Gone, Going

I turned 20. Friday Night Games was great! We raised just about $1000. Thanks to everybody who came, supported, gave ideas and suggestions, donated, everything. You're all awesome. It was a busy birthday.

I'm packed. I'm ready - to go, to get on the plane, to see a different side of the world, to be challenged, to be rocked, to be happy, sad, angry, hurt, excited, all of it. Probably won't be as ready when it all suddenly hits me in the face. But for now, I'll just hope and pray that we all get out of this what we're meant to; that we stay safe; that we can be as much help as we can over there, without being imposing; and that things are great for all of you still here.

This is a picture from a Google search of 'Bicol' - the place we'll be spending the most time. I think it's amazing. A nice little juxtaposition of natural beauty and poverty. (PS. Juxtaposition? VCE English points!)

...and that's it! I'm out. Peace. Much Love. God Bless.

Until I return, stay safe. BC.

Half-Yearly

We're not exactly half way through the year, but here's some stuff I've been thinking about.

I've halfway through my course! That's crazy man.

Life is awesome. I'm pretty sure that now I write that, I'll become more aware of something crap, but that's ok. God and people around me (familiar and strange) have always gotten me through.

Africa Aid, Elev8, everything are whipping me in meetings, work, planning, etc. I love it. I'm tired. I'm excited.

I'm also excited to be starting boxing on Friday. Since it's a trial first, I'm hoping that it's fun and challenging and that we can keep on doing it. Otherwise, we'll just move on to something else.

I've also been playing lots of basketball lately with little brother. We ball hard... / pretend.

I have watched listened to this song four times straight. Haha, twice on MySpace, twice on YouTube. Awesome? I think you'll agree. It makes me want to have another crack at guitar and song writing. See below below below.

I ran a Veta session on Monday that, apart from being an awesome meal together that we all cooked dishes for, had a great sharing environment for open and honest discussion of our years so far. I asked three questions: "What has been a highlight for the year?", "What is something you've been struggling with?", and "What is something you're looking forward to?" I can't remember my answers, so here are new answers.

1) I've got lots of highlights. I'm very thankful for the healing of my skin.

The new challenges in the things I do, especially of Africa Aid, have been really rewarding when achieved, and just makes me more excited to tackle the next. Of course, I get tired, but that just leads to another highlight - the continual support, encouragement and love shown to me by my family, friends, K, and all others in my life.

I'm also starting to think seriously about music again (or probably, for the first time), and I'm motivated to try and become a better musician because I want to make something beautiful, not because I want to impress or anything other pretentious feelings I might have had in the past. Besides, what I can do isn't really that impressive.

Finally, last year didn't end on a great note in terms of some friendships in my life, but this year has been full of new friendships or growing of some into even more meaningful and valuable parts of my life.

2) I told my Veta group that I've been struggling with fear. I think it's more like insecurity. I get so caught up in doing things and taking on projects that I forgot my limits and capabilities. I like to think I'm a fairly capable individual, but I can't be so ignorant as to think I can do everything. I need people. Other people do things better than me. Unfortunately, in the midst of organising, planning, stressing, I forget to delegate or ignorantly/arrogantly think that if I don't do something, it won't get done; or that if I let someone else do it, it won't be done well. So, I stress and take on stuff, and then what I fear is that I won't be able to reach the goals that I set. Realistically, if I trust my teams and support, who are all awesome people that, when I think about it in this frame of mind, would definitely be able to take on those projects...we could do really great things. Much bigger than what we're aiming at now... But let's not get ahead of ourselves. So. Trust. Fear. Insecurity.

Also, I get annoyed at catching up with friends. I'm crap at it. Because there is a group of friends that I see on a regular basis, it's easy to become complacent and not try hard with the others. Then I get discouraged if I do try to organise something and whoever I'm trying to meet cancels or isn't free, etc. It's irrational. I need to be better at it.

As I wrote in 'Vocation', I have been thinking on and off about how much I have to give up or need to sacrifice to be able to properly serve God and people. Perhaps it's not that I have to give up everything, but I think it's an indicator of my consciousness telling me that I'm probably spending too much time and money thinking about material things that aren't really necessary. This year I've come into more money than previously and it seems to disappear so easily. Even if I don't give up everything, I should make sure I control myself and keep my irrational desires in check.

3) I'm looking forward to the Philippines. I know my eyes will be opened, I know I'll be challenged, I know I'll get angry, I'll be inspired, I'll be hurt. It'll be good for me and I'm also looking forward to spending time with the team.

I'm starting to read more and write more, like I used to, and I love it.

I look forward to sport, because I miss it and it makes me happy.

I'm looking forward to growing more relationships and meeting more people, especially at uni.

Red Frogs will be interesting.

Summer. I'm hoping that all the hype I built up in my head of freedom when I got my license will actually somewhat exist. Ha.

So that's that. I'd love to know your answers on highlights, struggles, points to look forward to. Hope your 2008 is going great, that you're able to tackle your challenges as they come, and that the rest of the year will be beautiful. Peace.

100 Things About Me

I saw this somewhere. And decided to see what 100 things I would say about myself, and if anyone was remotely interested in them.

1. I was born on 12th September, 1988. Mercy Hospital in Melbourne...
2. Exactly 9 months after Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary...
3. My middle name means 'Powerful Ocean'. My last name means 'Strong'. My Mum's maiden name (Ong - I know... not much of a change there) means 'Royalty'. My first name is Benjamin, which means 'on the right hand of God' or 'favourite son'. So, by my logic, my name means I am the favourite son, with the strength of an ocean, who sit on the right hand of God like royalty? Bit arrogant if you ask me. Hooray for Asian names.
4. Speaking of Asia, being born in 1988 makes me, in the Chinese Zodiac, an Earth Dragon.
5. Being born in September makes me a Virgo.
6. I don't believe in horoscopes or zodiacs.
7. I have two brothers. One older, one younger.
8. I have a mum, she's from Malaysia.
9. I have a dad, he's from Singapore.
10. I consider myself an Australian. I don't really call myself Chinese.
11. I have been in six different countries for at least a day: Australia, Germany, USA, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand.
12. I don't remember Thailand.
13. The countries I most want to visit are Egypt, Spain and anywhere in Africa.
14. I did a three month exchange to Erlenbach am. Main in Germany. I can still speak German.
15. I was part of the Global Young Leaders Conference 2005 in Washington and New York.
16. I was super shy and introverted before those two trips.
17. Now I'm not.
18. Up until now, I have wanted to be: Policeman, astronaut, doctor, paediatrician, teacher, minister, charity worker, missionary, Lego employee.
19. I currently want to be all of the last five, and I'm working on it.
20. I have been at Doncaster Church of Christ my whole life.
21. I'm a Christian, originally just because I tagged along with Mum and Dad to church.
22. I started properly believing and asking my own questions in Grade 6, 2000.
23. Then again in 2006.
24. 2006 was a big learning and growing up stage for me. One of the reasons was Vetamorphus, a young Christian ministry course.
25. Most of my closest friends did that course with me. Actually that's probably not true anymore. The first time I started writing this was in March 2007. It's a bit sad really.
26. I do a youth ministry internship at my church.
27. I lead a small group at church called The Garage, which consists of boys between Year 5 and 10.
28. I helped found and now run a charity (in progress). It's called Africa Aid. It was started in 2005. This year we are trying to raise $30,000 for a school in Southern Uganda. Check out the Myspace or Facebook for more details.
29. I am very unorganised in general, but also with Africa Aid. It makes me feel bad, and making it bigger and maintaining it scares me.
30. I am employed as an Integration Aide and as a Small Group Leader for Elev8. It's very necessary since...volunteer work doesn't pay child support.
31. Lucky I don't have to.
32. I went to Serpell Primary School until Grade 5.
33. I went to Trinity Grammar School for the rest of it.
34. I study 2nd Year Arts at Monash University.
35. I play touch rugby at Monash.
36. I also do dancing with a group of friends at Monash.
37. I have a girlfriend, who is rather pleasant. She has a nice smile and good oral hygiene. Sometimes she gives me muffins, but not so much anymore. She is also fun to chase. We have been going out for almost 3 years.
38. I prefer trackpants over jeans.
39. I would like to collect t-shirts, shoes or hats...if I had the money.
40. My favourite food is most likely spaghetti bolognese, but I've never decided for sure.
41. When I go out to eat, I still look at what comes with chips first.
42. I love peach ice tea.
43. I also love Choc-Mint/Bubblegum with nuts at Cold Rock. I ordered it the last 10 times I've been there.
44. I have been to Cold Rock 10 times.
45. I love most desserts in general, except pavlova. It's a devil cake. First it looks good, and then you have one bite, and it tastes stupid again.
46. I do not like quite a few things: Tomatoes, mushrooms, asparagus, avocado, grapes, rocket lettuce (not to be mistaken with iceberg lettuce, which I love), egg yolk, fried eggs, sultanas and cheese to name a few.
47. I struggle to not eat three times the suggested serving size if I'm eating chips or biscuits. But really, that's because the suggested serving size is ridiculous... eg. four biscuits.
48. I play the piano, which I learnt for 10 years. Now I play for fun on a regular basis.
49. I used to play the flute, which I learnt for 5 years.
50. I can also play the melodica, which is an awesome instrument.
51. I attempted to teach myself guitar, but got lazy. I want to learn still.
52. I also want to learn the harmonica, the banjo, the ukelele, bass guitar, double bass, and the steel drums.
53. I like to imagine I can sing but that doesn't make me awesome. I just sing to myself all the time.
54. Like most people, I have an eclectic taste in music that is not really definable. I just like what I like. My favourite band is Lazy Susan, and I'll give you a dollar if you sing me one of their songs.
55. In my life I have played or participated in gymnastics, swimming and basketball competitively (for a club). I also played basketball and soccer for my school.
56. I have a third place from the National Gymnastics comp and a second from the State.
57. I had to quit because I was too small. To stay on would have meant three years of training until I hit puberty and was as big as the other boys in my level.
58. I have no pets, but used to have a big German Shepherd called Rex. He was actually called Sultan, which is a pretty cool name, but... us boys were young. And Rex seemed more dog-like.
59. I also used to have a baby chicken called Timothy. One day Timothy escaped outside and saw Rex. He had a heart attack and died.
60. I do not have a favourite colour. At least, not one I could say without feeling I was being unfaithful to the other colours.
61. I love the game Taboo.
62. I also love Risk.
63. Like the colours, I don't know if I could say my favourite movie. There are lots up there.
64. Disney holds a special place in my movie love.
65. I once played Yoko Ono in a musical about John Lennon.
66. I love Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. It's awesome.
67. Amongst some other things I would like to learn are photography, video filming and editing, photoshopping and other digital imagery, cooking (especially pastry cooking) and surfing.
68. I love to read, although I don't read as much as I did when I was little. No real favourite authors, but I do like Nick Earls a bit. Terry Pratchett too.
69. When I was little, I would go to the library and before checking for any other books, I would go to the Childrens - Humour section first to see if there were any Garfield books in.
70. This year I am going to the Philippines on a mission trip with International Needs.
71. I am passionate about issues of social justice and equality.
72. In the last few years, I have done some work with the MakePovertyHistory campaign. I was an Ambassador at the concert in November '06 and a Group Leader on the ZeroSeven Road Trip in 2007.
73. I enjoy writing. It's one of those things that I love to do, but procrastinate over doing. I've been working on a few pieces for the last few years, but not as in actively working on. Just starting, and then leaving for a long time, until I've forgotten the ideas that made me want to write them in the first place.
74. I once won a competition for writing. I felt like I'd plagiarised something I'd read but couldn't remember.
75. I have recently developed a fascination at other people's obsessions with things. Most notably, bacon. Examples are here, here, here and here.
76. I once had a phobia of heights. I was too scared to even go down the slides at playgrounds. After I started gymnastics, that left. I don't really have a phobia now.
77. The first thing I notice on the opposite sex is their face.
78. I like playing computer/video games. GTA: San Andreas is my favourite, followed closely by Mario Kart and Minesweeper.
79. According to some website where you submit your monthly best Minesweeper score, I was third in the world. For one glorious month. I'm all washed up now. It's all downhill from here.
80. I'm not interested in cars in the slightest. Shiny round ones attract my interest though. But not Volkswagen round, they're too small.
81. I like Hummers, but it has nothing to do with them as a car, and definitely not to do with their contribution to the environment. It's part of a game we played when I was in America.
82. I have shinier than average fingernails. Unsure why.
83. I dislike cats. It comes from a deep relationship of mistreatment between the two of us that began in Germany. I was patting a cat, I wanted to get up and leave, cat scratched my face, I punched cat, cat disappears for two days, I thought I'd killed it. Cats are not as good as dogs.
84. If I was an animal, I think I'd be a mongoose.
85. My favourite animal used to be the Eastern Quoll, just to be different. I have no idea what my favourite is anymore.
86. I would love to work with animals, but I doubt it would ever happen. I saw a documentary once about people who have moved to go live with orphaned elephants and look after them. I would love to do that, but there's also a million other things I'd like to do.
87. I can type at an average of 109 words per minute. Mavis Beacon tells me so.
88. I have attempted to read the entire Bible in one year, but failed miserably. I think it had to do with trying to read it in order, no dedication, and just kinda rushing through it. I would like to one day accomplish this.
89. I have a dream of travelling with friends in a bus. I've wanted to do it since I was about 8. With cars, what attracts me is the number of seats, followed by cupholders.
90. I have had a fascination with learning everything I could since childhood. Not exactly school things, but random facts of information. One of my favourite books ever was 1001 Amazing Facts, and I would tell people facts from the book at random. I used to do extra projects on things like Volcanoes and Pirates...just for fun.
91. I like learning about history and important people of the past.
92. I keep a list of people that I need to read and learn about.
93. I enjoy public speaking. I used to be scared of it, and so my job on the debating team was to write the speeches.
94. I like comedy, it's my favourite genre of movies and books. Mostly. My favourite comedians include Demetri Martin, Jason Byrne, Steven K Amos, Mitch Hedburg and Dave Chapelle.
95. Doing stand-up is one of the scariest things I can think of, and I'd like to do it once in my life.
96. My three most visited websites are Hotmail, Facebook and Blogger. That's not very exciting, so the next three are CollegeHumor.com, JakeandAmir.com, and YouTube.com.
97. Before I die, I would like to do most extreme sports, learn the above listed things I want to learn, meet Nelson Mandela, go to a home game at Anfield, see the LA Lakers and the Detroit Redwings, and many others.
98. I recently made the transition from standing to sitting when I wipe.
99. I STILL shout at the kids on game shows for being stupid... even though I'm almost 20.
100. This blog took 443 days to write. I'm glad it's over.

Resolution

So it's a new year. As always, I've found myself wondering whether or not I am going to have a resolution, and if so, I refuse to have a crappy, stupid, material one. This means that if I do actually get one, it'll either be a good genuine one, which I might not even write up here, or it'll be a token 'good-natured' one. Most likely.

I might do some thinking out loud here, to deliberate over this most exhilarating of topics. (I've actually been in a massive blog avoidance/slump/rut lately. Many many many saved drafts all half written and then walked away from, usually in the hunt for Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.) To start, let's have a recap of how the years has been for me.

• Started uni. Passed uni. Win. I really enjoyed the new challenge of uni and actually doing some work, sometimes. Usually two nights before it was due, meaning I'm making very small improvements. Added to that, the best part was the people, which is generally the case with everything I do. I've made some really good friends and it's been fun having social interaction away from the usuals who generally occupy most of my social interaction. Nothing against them. I just need some space sometimes. Also, uni means I have had a lot of Cold Rock. Yesssss. I can only look forward to more of the same next year. And maybe choosing another flavour at Cold Rock to have for once. And maybe stop using these incomplete, run-on sentenc...
• Driving... HA. As if. 32 hours...ladies. Hopefully license sometime next year. Although, I did tell Mum today that it only expires in 2016. Which means, 12 hours a year to make that 120. Therefore...I'm ahead of schedule.
• The Garage. 2007 saw me leaving leading at Club Sunday, and stealing all of the boys (nothing. suss.) for the Garage. Along with MW and JC, and with the late addition of JV, I led the Garage this year. I really struggled with it in the beginning, as we went through the paces of building relationships and trust with the boys, and they went from acting up to actually believing that we were doing something cool. However, by end of year, I was loving it. Having different chats with the boys and having them so much more excited about being there and talking to us outside the Garage was really encouraging for me. From time to time, I had struggles with the leaders as well, but that's expected from any ministry or job or anything really. Next year MW/G.I. Joe leaves us and it will be interesting filling his gap. I hope the Garage only gets better, as we build further on all the progress made this year.
• Another year with K . That officially makes it 2 years, 4 months, 13 days. Let's go for another 2413. Decades.
• Friends. New ones. Some really good new ones. Breakdowns of some, with op for re-building obviously. Requires a mutual effort to fix those ones. I feel bad for not trying enough with my school mates, since I let distance and a general stereotype of what would happen be my reason for not going. I want to do better there.
• Youth internship. Loved working in the office and around the church with SA last year. Challenge for next year is to make sure I do more work pretty much.
• Faith. I'm not sure what happened with my faith last year. I think it wasn't as drastic a change as the year before, but that's because that year was the first year I ever actually bothered trying. Of course I slipped off at times then, and did again in 2007, but this year I would really like to schedule myself or try to be really intentional in not just being involved in ministries, but finding time for my own exploration, reflection and questioning. I am looking forward to a new small group, whether with new people or the same or a mix. I also think that being part of the new Veta group, and while helping them, also studying everything that they study, will be really good. It'll be interesting how it goes with my little brother in that group.
• Work. None really, apart from the delivery route (forever finished), two plumbing jobs, and a brief stint as an integration aide, which will hopefully continue next year. I also have another job lined up, which I will write about soon.
• Sport. Hardly any. The working out challenge I've been doing all year. (I might publish those pictures later. Maybe.) Apart from that, nothing, and that sucks. I need to get into a sport. Definitely a resolution for this year.
• Health. I've struggled with my skin of late, and I'm writing a blog about this that will be posted soon. I hopefully will have less problems this year, because I've started trying to eat healthier and look after my body more.
• Africa Aid. I am absolutely stoked with the way Africa Aid's gone this year, in how far we've come (granted, only four of us) together. We've made major steps towards rebuilding Africa Aid as a functioning and efficient group outside school. We still need to work on our school team, but that's already underway. We face a big challenge this year in not only raising the $30,000 but letting people know where we've been for a year, and getting the whole team working without constants instructions etc. I'm excited/scared about this one.

That's about it, I don't think I'll try to resolve anything really. It's too hard to predict how a year will go. These are just the things from last year and what challenges I face in continuing/stopping them. The exciting things that you can't predict will come later, and I'll (hopefully) blog about them. Happy New Year, I hope yours is a safe, awesome one too, and that any resolutions/challenges you set for yourself are met well.

PS. Minor resolution: Blog more? Ha.

Formal Recap

Thank you to everybody who came to the formal. It was a great night. Much fun was had dancing, and prancing, and de-pantsing. But not really. Maybe the first one, a little of the second.

The current total raised is $1050 for my favouritest charity in the world, but I hear there is even more around the corner. This officially kicks off our 2008 campaign to raise $30,000 for Buikwe Primary School in southern Uganda. They need money to support more students, more classrooms, teachers, books, etc. It's going to be a busy, tiring, draining, but also fun and very rewarding year. Bring it on.

PS. If... I dunno, maybe... I was just wondering if you felt like... donating $29,999? Because then... like... we could just skip 2008 and go straight to Uganda. Deal?

DCC/Africa Aid Formal 2007

GET THERE.

19

Today I am 19. To celebrate this nothingness year, here is a list of 19 things - in no particular order, except for whatever comes out first - I want to do before I am dead.

1. See all the Great Wonders of the World.
2. Visit Egypt, Spain, America again, South America, Fiji, Vanuatu, Hawaii, Germany again, Thailand and many others.
3. See a Liverpool FC home game.
4. See a Lakers home game.
5. See the community Africa Aid is now supporting first hand.
6. Finish my novel (almost one year old, two pages in ha), maybe get it published.
7. Get married, have children.
8. Have a dog, a pig, a turtle (preferably Galapagos), a monkey and many more. At least. If it's legal. Ha.
9. Learn to cook.
10. Learn to dance some sort of style I don't know. Basically. All.
11. Perform music at a gig of some sort.
12. Play guitar well.
13. Teach, minister, and leave Africa Aid in safe hands when it is time.
14. Blog more.
15. Not get fat and lazy and unhealthy when I'm older.
16. Skydive, bungee jump, paraglide, all of those.
17. Break the world record for Minesweeper. HA. I've got a long way to go. My expert record is 81 seconds, and the world record is somewhere in the 40s.
18. Learn to count.

Here are some exciting things that happened on this day in history:

• 1954 - "Lassie" debuted on CBS.
• 1963 - "Leave it to Beaver" aired its last show.
• 1966 - The Beatles received a gold record for "Yellow Submarine".
• 1983 - Arnold Schwarznegger became a US citizen.
• 1984 - Michael Jordon signed a seven year contract to play for the Chicago Bulls.
• 1988 - A young man was born from an egg on a mountain top, the punkiest monkey that ever popped. Monkey Magic.
• 2007 - Walked around the house in my underwear most of the morning.

Finally, a happy birthday to these cool cats:

• 1913 - Jesse Owens (who I can outrun)
• 1944 - Barry White (whose voice is so high compared to mine)
• 1966 - Ben Folds (who wishes his name was my name)
• 1972 - Liam Gallagher (who wishes he sang "Wonderwall" as good as me)
• 1973 - Paul Walker (who wishes he was as Fast and Furious as me)
• 1978 - Benjamin McKenzie (who wishes the OC was written about his life and not mine)
• 1980 - Yao Ming (who I'll be taller than one day)
• 1981 - Jennifer Hudson (who cheated me out of my Oscar for "Dreamgirls")
• 3057 - Optimus Prime (who is actually me in the future)

The last one may or may not be made up.

Integration

I worked my first day in a potential casual job on Friday. The title was as an integration aide, and I basically went to a few different classes and helped out students that needed a little support and encouragement due to intellectual or social disabilities.

Some of the classses and students I hung out with were labelled as "difficult", "feral" and "ratbags". Their behaviour might have been a little bad, but no worse than some of the other students around them - some of who were actually far worse. Most of the students were fun to be around, and I really enjoyed my first day of work.

One of the students I was with even asked me to join him on his weekly girlfriend search. Ha. He said he already has four, and is on the lookout for more. I politely declined.

I've still got to work out if I'll take on the job, as it will require some time juggling around uni, internship and Africa Aid. It was fun though, and I could really enjoy doing some more of it.

From Little Things...

After a conversation with someone over the weekend, I decided to write about this gem of wisdom that came out of Surrender: "Do little things with great love."

For a person like me - who gets very caught up in doing projects and running things and joining things (and incidentally, finds it hard to say no to people) - this is especially relevant. It's part of the reason why I burnout so much. I get far too caught up in trying to do big things that will change people's lives or my life or the church or the world, and then forget that the reason behind doing all those things is because I care about people, and do it for them.

A prime example is from the Africa Aid dinner last year. It was a big event, and in our very naive, new stage, we were thinking mainly about raising big money (for reference, it raised $2200 in a night). We invited a group of refugees from camps in Sudan to come along, and they sang for us, and it was my highlight of the evening. Their leader, Martha, spoke about how it didn't matter how much money we raised. How when they were in their refugee camps, and heard about some sort of money coming in, it wasn't much of a big deal because they knew that, for the most part, they wouldn't see that money anyway. Martha cried while she told us that what deeply touched them was that there were people like us - young and foreign and strangers - that cared about them and wanted to help them, even though they had nothing to give us in return. That's why I do Africa Aid. But sometimes, you get too caught up in meetings and paperwork and logistics and boring crap, and you forget about the heart behind it all.

To simply have a conversation with a lonely person is just as valuable as running an aid organisation. They are at very different positions on the scale of largeness, but possibly, sometimes, the former is higher on the scale of love - if you are like me and get bogged down in stress levels. Like the old adage says, "From little things, big things grow." Whatever you do with love and with care, plants a seed that can become something much larger. For instance, Amnesty International began with a British lawyer, Peter Benenson, who wrote articles and letters to his local newspaper on behalf of two Portuguese students, who had been imprisoned for raising their glasses in a toast to freedom. This relatively small act of selfless care gathered so much support and feedback, that a commitee was started to help gather and collect it all, and use it to help free the students. From that, one of the largest human rights organisations in the world came into existence.

It is so easy to show love, if we try. Unfortunately, it's probably easier to just not show anything at all. But I think everybody has some sort of dream for a change in the world. It might not be a very big change, or a very big dream, or a positive change, but people dream. But to change the world, you must first change your world - and that includes yourself, your family, your friends, your community. They all need love in some way or another. Might I be called idealistic, a dreamer, 'weak' for thinking like this? Yeh, probably. But I don't care, because I believe it. So for all of us, to do little things with great love, instead of the inverse of big things with loss of love, is something I find to be very valuable indeed.

Teachers

One of the things I want to do in my lifetime, and it's been a goal for quite a while now, is to be a teacher. Some of the others are to be a missionary, continue running Africa Aid, and more recently, to go into ministry. For pretty much all of those, lots of people - family included - say to me, "Why do you want to do that? You have to give so much time, and get almost nothing in return." Of course, they mean money. But you see... I know you need money to get by. Keywords being get by. I know I need to earn a bit to survive and keep up a standard of living (that will probably be better than that of the majority of the world, as I am part of the lucky 10% or so of Earth's population). I just don't care that much, and don't want lots of money. I never really have. Of course, if a million dollars was to come my way, I wouldn't say no. I'd want to do something good with it though. (and yes. would probably buy some crap too.) I felt weird about it in primary school, because lots of people wanted to be rich (that's not just in primary school I guess). I was more interested in doing something interesting with my life. I feel like I'm being high and mighty. Hope not. I don't want to come across as that.

ANYWAY. This is a video. A speech. A poem - part of 'Slam Poetry'. You might say it's a bit dramatic, but I think it holds truth, and it is like that because of how much passion(fruit) this guy has for teaching. I get the same sort of feeling when I teach someone something, or can see someone learning. Learning is one of the things I guess I value most in life, and to be able to be part of someone else's learning feels special to me. Enjoy. Interested to see what people think of it.

Motivation

Contrary to what you might think I'm writing about, this has nothing to do with exams or study.
I'm writing about inspiration, and how awesome it is when it gets you and you get all excited and energised about doing something, and then how irritating it is that that fades away. Ironically, this post was inspired by someone else: Kyla's blog.

I am a person who is quite, not very, but quite easy to inspire. I find it easy to grab hold of ideas and run with them. Therefore, I have had quite a few moments when I have been filled with energy to do things, specifically acts on social justice or faith involvement.

For a few days/weeks, I generally motor along at high speed, doing lots and being excited and having all these ideas and thoughts in my head. However, I always slow down and go back into cruise mode (although sometimes it is at a higher level of cruise than before), and this is what irritates me - I want to be excited ALL THE TIME!

This motivation, and then stalling of it, sometimes leaves me in a situation where I'm so far involved in something or, in my case, have started something, that I feel in too deep to back out of. I am often told this is never the case, that I cannot back out, but I also find it hard to let go of things when they are my ideas/work, etc. This is not to say I don't want to be part of it anymore, but it means I am part of it, and then get stressed I am not feeling as part of it. Possibly contributes to my burnouts.

I think that there is all this energy inside me already, but it sometimes needs something to come along and spark it, or reignite it, so it gets moving again. I wish I could just do it at will. Motivation can get you lots of places, even if you are lacking in talent or skill.

So now I sit, while in the middle of exams, organisation for the Zero Seven roadtrip, organisation for Africa Aid, running of Garage, Social Justice team at Church, numerous other projects... and wait for something to reignite me. Hopefully soon.

Swear

My second 40-day challenge of the year finished last month, but I haven't started a new one yet. So as of tomorrow morning - Tuesday 5 June - K and I are starting this one: No swearing.

Now, I'm not sure how much I swear, and I don't think it's anywhere near as much as some people. But I just don't really want to, because it is so pointless, and honestly, the context in which most swear words are used is so unnecessary and useless anyway. So I am going to eliminate it. Hopefully for good. But the challenge itself ends on Saturday 7 July.

Now by swear words, I am going to go so far as to eliminate even the ones considered generally not that swear-like. Like 'crap' or 'hell' or 'poobumwee'. So it will be a little harder than first expected.

I am compiling a list of punishments that K and I must do if we swear. Here are some, and I want you to give me more.

• No tea for a week (Now you must know... I love tea. And drink about two cups a day.)
• No internet for two days
• No msn for two days
• Donate $30 to Africa Aid
• No tv for two days
• No music for two days

So yes, they are rather lame at the moment. Come up with more punishments. They can be serious or silly, I would like a mix of both. Hoorah! Good work.

Letter

My maths teacher of four years died last night. She was one of my favourite teachers ever. She was good to me, better than most teachers. She cared about stuff that happened to me, outside maths and homework and exams. When Mum and Dad hit a rough spot, she talked to me. When I had my own problems with other stuff, she'd make time to sit down and chat. When I was struggling with work, she'd find time to come and help me. She always asked about Africa Aid events, and when she could come see them, and she would always give us lots of money, any time I had a tin in the classroom.

She told the best stories. We'd have so many classes where the work got too hard, so we'd ask abstract questions about life and see if it got her started. Once she did, she would not stop till the bell, and we knew there would be no work that day. We also wanted to hear them though, because she would make us laugh, and be interested, and want to be in class all the time. Even though it was the hardest class, she helped make Spec. Maths one of the best last year.

In fourth term, she left us. With her leukemia playing up, she was checked into hospital, and I never saw her again. She was too sick for us to send flowers or cards, because they might contaminate her. We felt compelled to work harder and try harder, because she'd put so much belief and hard work into us, that she deserved our good results more than we did. We got reports after exams, that she was better and planning a holiday to Tasmania.

Before she left, Mrs. Kjar told us we were one of her favourite classes ever, even though she'd been at Trinity for decades. She told us how much it would mean to her if we wrote her a letter, telling her our results and plans for the future, when we were finished school and moving on in the world. I never wrote that letter. I don't know how I feel. Even though she's gone, I'm going to write it now.

Dear Mrs. Kjar,

Thank you for being so good to me, through everything I've dealt with the last few years. You were someone I knew I could always come to, who would have an ear for me, and a heart too. I learnt lots of things from you, and maths is probably low on that list.

Thank you for your honesty, your care, your love, your patience, for everything. Thank you for believing I could finish up with maths, even when I wanted to quit. Thank you for caring enough to ask how I was going, even if you didn't know there was something going on. Thank you for giving up time for me. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. Thank you for inspiring me.

I'm sorry you will never get this letter. I don't know how to sum up how I feel or how grateful I am to you. This letter will never be able to do that. I could write another hundred. They still won't add up. I wish I even knew what to say. But for now. Just. Thank you. You made a big impact on my life, and so many others in the world. I was blessed to know you. You will never be forgotten.

Goodbye Mrs. Kjar. God Bless You.

Love,

Ben

Money

After a meaningful chat with a very good friend of mine, a lot of thoughts and questions were raised for me, about how this society and I live our lives. I want to reiterate one of my 40-day improvement plan challenges. The money one. I think it seems like I would find it hard to spend less than $30 a day. This is wrong. I spend almost nothing everyday, and if I do, it rarely exceeds $10.

I feel bad if I spend lots of money on material things like clothes. I don't spend much on other things, like alcohol or extra food, because it's such a waste. I can live without those things. True, if I do spend money, it probably is on food, but not to the point of excessiveness. Which sounds like a justification. And probably is.

The money challenge isn't so much to curb my spending, but to highlight how easy it would be for me live without spending much at all. At least, in this life I lead at the moment, where a lot of stuff is taken care of for me by my parents, and I have no need to worry about survival, I can respect that and not waste what I have.

I always felt bad, going to a private school. Part of the reason I started Africa Aid was because I saw the ability and potential - in energy and financially - of the people there, and knew a lot of it was being wasted. If you compared the amount the boys put into the cafeteria each day, compared to the aid stuff at school... it makes me sick. I didn't want to force people to care, nor to just give their money and not bother knowing why. Just I didn't want a shameless material consumerist attitude to be the dominant one. (I feel very uni student after writing that.)

It's the same in the church. There are plenty of people who spend ridiculous amounts on lots of things. Clothes. Hair. Travel. Going out. I have nothing against all of these things. Indeed, I spend money on these things too, just I try to be conscious of how much I spend, and how often. I don't quite understand what Church of Christ means. I know a big part of it is being missional, going out into the community and giving of self. I think that money does not have to be the complete giving, nor should it, but I think it has its place too. But it gets wasted on other things, or just absent mindedly forgotten that an offering is important. That said... I need to lift my game on offering too.

The attitude that money, while not the meaning behind life, or means to a better life - in quality not quantity, still comes with important decisions and morals is something we are trying to show to the Garage boys. Jono prepared a simulation for them a few weeks ago - the Game of Life. The boys were put in families, and had to deal with the everyday battles of families - housing, food, medical, insurance, etc. - as well as forces of nature and unexpected happenings of life. Each family started off with different amounts of money, to simulate how it is in this world. The boys understood I think - one mum told me that her sons went home and made boxes, so that they could purposely set aside money each week to give to something more meaningful than their cafeteria. That made me feel like the Garage was a worthwhile thing.

Anyway. This is it for now. I shall write more later. I guess that the only thing that will challenge me about the money 40 days thing is if I see something I want - due to greed and want for possession, not need - and then can't buy it. But I will get over it.

Fully

I'm sick. Bad stupid poobumwee. It's a coldish sort of thing, but you know how when you have one, it's the only thing you think about? I've had coughing fits, runny nose, blocked nose, fat nose, skinny nose, etc. I also dread sleep, because it means even more hardness of breathing and choking on yummy mucus. I use a box of tissues in about two days. My voice sounds like there is a crab latched onto my throat from the inside.

This is a fairly pointless blog. But I'm doing it to fulfill someone's urgent needs.

In other news, yesterday I went to an awareness/Africa Aid event at Doncaster Secondary. Was fun, loved seeing people wanting to do stuff. The people I severely dislike are the ones who think it's cool to walk past the table of stuff and ask for free things, or shout out stupid things like, "Burn down the trees!" or "Africans are stupid." Also, the ones who feel that just because someone or a group have gotten the opportunity to perform... with REAL microphones, they should get to hold the mic and be retarded. There's nothing honestly interesting about what they have to say. I understand that not everybody is going to want to get involved with stuff like Africa Aid, or even feel a passion for it. Doesn't give them an excuse to rubbish the efforts of people who do. It's just selfish. Pretty much going to take my hunting spear to the next event. Or maybe just ask them to leave. Whichever.

Where are the leaders?

I always talk about this, but it's something I think should be talked about. So we started the Garage yesterday, and I am so excited about it. However, afterwards, I had a parent ask me, "What about my boy? Why can't he come down?" This was really confronting for me, because I didn't want to say, "He's just too old." The problem is, if we were to allow that boy in, then we'd have to make an acceptance of all boys his age, and the small group would become a huge group.

Another reason I felt bad was that I started the Garage with the intention of supporting the boys through the year pre-VCE, because those were the years I had nothing. But the reality now is that the boys in Year 9 and 10 are still stranded with not much. The problem is that while Matt, Jono and I are leading the Garage, there's nobody to lead a group for the left-out ones. It's not that we're the only young male leaders at the church, far from it. The problem is, the other males (including parents, who are more than capable of runing a small group and much more experienced than us) are either leading other projects at church, or just don't see themselves as leaders. That's something I always try to point out to people in my Africa Aid speeches - that they can lead, and most people can make fantastic leaders if they realise than can be.

One of the vision points for the Garage was to help the boys realise their potential as young leaders in church and outer community. Hopefully by the time they get to my age (making me sound old), or even earlier, they know how useful they could be, and show the next group of boys the same thing.

Nonsense

So how do you even write a good blog anyway? I have no idea. I don't think the secret is being deep, because as much as I like doing it, or like the idea of people seeing my thoughts as deep, I'm fairly amused by nonsense rambling blogs. I don't really have the consistency to keep people interested. Maybe it's just not very interesting. Anyway, it's 1:37 AM, and I can't sleep. I've turned fairly nocturnal in this 'Post-VCE' stage.

So. Today (by which I mean the 24th. I measure days by between when I wake and when I sleep) I woke up late, ate five sausage rolls for breakfast and lunch, and watched three episodes of South Park. What a sophisticated life I lead. Later, mum and I went to Monash Uni to do the fancypants enrolments. I got to see the common room for us supposed smart ones, although I think I'm a pretender.

Tonight I had dinner with friends. I was amused that I chose a $16.90 meal over a $17.90, partially on the fact that there's an extra dollar saved. Clearly, I need a job.

Finally, I did nothing after that, and now I sit writing this nonsense. Which I hope will lead to inspiration of something profound, but probably not. I am going to do this to see if it leads me to ideas of future blogs:

Things I Like:

• God, most of the time. Probably don't give as much liking as I could.
• Sports
• A clean room, but not cleaning it
• My blue shirt with birds and a tree with things in it
• Finding out that that bird is actually a partridge and the things are pears
• Feedback. I always wonder what people think when they read this stuff. I know you read it, because there's a thing that tells me. I don't care about comments so much, just curious
• Punctuation. , ! @
• Music. Playing, listening, seeing. I'm not going to be like "My life is the music," etc. But it's pretty cool. So cool, that when I had the hypothetical given to me, "Would you rather be deaf or blind?", I seriously considered blindness, so that I could still hear music.

Things I Dislike:

• Having to clear my throat before bed.
• Bad blogs. And I have a feeling this is one.
• Itches.
• My skin for hurting me.
• Shallowness. Especially mine.
• Not being very faithlike or a good example of what I believe in.
• "I'm a better Christian than you" syndrome. Experienced at Beach Mission.
• Haha my cynical side. It's pretty big.

Things I Am Proud Of In My Life:

• Africa Aid, I wish I was more organised with it and that my passion for it was huge everyday. I really do love it, and being able to realise how good so many people are underneath.
• Church, and that I love it now, and actively try to know people and God more. Most of the time.
• KS. She makes me very happy.
• Finishing Year 12 well. My goal last year was to be satisfied with my VCE results and to grow up a bit. Think I did a bit of both.
• My little brother. He's one of my best mates. All my life people have told me and chosen me to lead stuff, and I have teased him about living in my shadow. But I reckon he is such an ace leader and person.

Things I Am Not Proud Of In My Life:

• That this is quite hard to do in a public setting
• My anger
• How easy it is for me to put down people and things
• How easy it is for me to feel better than others
• My relationships with the rest of my family
• Not putting in enough effort as I could have into things
• Not being able to put in everything I'm not proud of here.

Things I Am Looking Forward To This Year:

• The Garage
• Youth Internship @ DCC
• Africa Aid growing
• Vetamorphus small group continuing
• Uni.
• 'Mission Possible'. I dunno what it's really called, or if I'm officially on it. But it's a cool idea, and I'll write about it once I know more.
• Social justice stuff at church.
• There's lots more, but still thinking.

Well this has been a long post. Maybe tomorrow I'll get up, look at what I wrote at some ridiculous hour last night, and be ashamed. Or maybe I'll like something, and write a bit more, we'll see. For now, I think I will sleep.

Can you be rich, powerful and famous... and still be humble?

Really good questions in this blog I randomly found. Comments are pretty good too, something I'd love to know, especially if I kept going with my Africa Aid stuff. What if I got rich? What if I got famous? That's not at all why I do it, but what if it happened?. What then? Would I still care as much about the world?

I've always wondered about people like Bono, Bob Geldof, Paul McCartney, etc. They preach about saving the world, with money and with otherwise, and I've always wondered how much they give? How much should (if there is a should) they be giving? Did they always care? Or did it happen once they got bored with their riches and fortune?

The Very First

Well this isn't my first blog, but hopefully it lasts longer than all the other ones. I try to write stuff that means something, but there is the occasional ramble or bit of garbage. I guess I'll just tell you a bit about me, to leave you with a slightly better understanding of who I am.

My name's Benjamin J. Chong. The 'J' could stand for anything from Jellyfish to Judas. But it's not. I'm 18, finishing school and hopefully studying Arts/Theology next year at Monash University and Christian Churches Theological College. I'm a Christian, belong to Churches of Christ, but still trying to understand what that really means. I do a young Christians' VET course, called Vetamorphus, which is pretty mad. I'm also trying to lead a boys aged 9 - 15 small group next year with some mates, if I can make it happen.

I guess my greatest passion is helping those who aren't as lucky as me. I reckon that in I've been blessed, whether by a God or not, with so many good things that I'd be wasting my life if I didn't try to share them with others. I run a student-founded charity called Africa Aid, and we're moving into other schools and churches next year. I hope to someday teach in a school in Africa or do some missionary work, as well as keep the Africa Aid stuff going.

I like soccer, Liverpool FC are favs. Various other liked sports are basketball, ultimate frisbee, footy, dodgeball, lacrosse, gymnastics, volleyball. There's probably more, but it's late.

I also like playing the piano and the odd bit of jazz flute... well, I dabble. Music's pretty cool, this blog is named after a song of probably my favourite band - Lazy Susan. I don't think there's a single song of theirs I don't like. I'm pretty open to most music and I try to know a little bit about who's who and what's good. Ask me.

Well that's about it. I'm sure I'll reveal a bit more about myself as the posts go on.