100 Things About Me

I saw this somewhere. And decided to see what 100 things I would say about myself, and if anyone was remotely interested in them.

1. I was born on 12th September, 1988. Mercy Hospital in Melbourne...
2. Exactly 9 months after Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary...
3. My middle name means 'Powerful Ocean'. My last name means 'Strong'. My Mum's maiden name (Ong - I know... not much of a change there) means 'Royalty'. My first name is Benjamin, which means 'on the right hand of God' or 'favourite son'. So, by my logic, my name means I am the favourite son, with the strength of an ocean, who sit on the right hand of God like royalty? Bit arrogant if you ask me. Hooray for Asian names.
4. Speaking of Asia, being born in 1988 makes me, in the Chinese Zodiac, an Earth Dragon.
5. Being born in September makes me a Virgo.
6. I don't believe in horoscopes or zodiacs.
7. I have two brothers. One older, one younger.
8. I have a mum, she's from Malaysia.
9. I have a dad, he's from Singapore.
10. I consider myself an Australian. I don't really call myself Chinese.
11. I have been in six different countries for at least a day: Australia, Germany, USA, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand.
12. I don't remember Thailand.
13. The countries I most want to visit are Egypt, Spain and anywhere in Africa.
14. I did a three month exchange to Erlenbach am. Main in Germany. I can still speak German.
15. I was part of the Global Young Leaders Conference 2005 in Washington and New York.
16. I was super shy and introverted before those two trips.
17. Now I'm not.
18. Up until now, I have wanted to be: Policeman, astronaut, doctor, paediatrician, teacher, minister, charity worker, missionary, Lego employee.
19. I currently want to be all of the last five, and I'm working on it.
20. I have been at Doncaster Church of Christ my whole life.
21. I'm a Christian, originally just because I tagged along with Mum and Dad to church.
22. I started properly believing and asking my own questions in Grade 6, 2000.
23. Then again in 2006.
24. 2006 was a big learning and growing up stage for me. One of the reasons was Vetamorphus, a young Christian ministry course.
25. Most of my closest friends did that course with me. Actually that's probably not true anymore. The first time I started writing this was in March 2007. It's a bit sad really.
26. I do a youth ministry internship at my church.
27. I lead a small group at church called The Garage, which consists of boys between Year 5 and 10.
28. I helped found and now run a charity (in progress). It's called Africa Aid. It was started in 2005. This year we are trying to raise $30,000 for a school in Southern Uganda. Check out the Myspace or Facebook for more details.
29. I am very unorganised in general, but also with Africa Aid. It makes me feel bad, and making it bigger and maintaining it scares me.
30. I am employed as an Integration Aide and as a Small Group Leader for Elev8. It's very necessary since...volunteer work doesn't pay child support.
31. Lucky I don't have to.
32. I went to Serpell Primary School until Grade 5.
33. I went to Trinity Grammar School for the rest of it.
34. I study 2nd Year Arts at Monash University.
35. I play touch rugby at Monash.
36. I also do dancing with a group of friends at Monash.
37. I have a girlfriend, who is rather pleasant. She has a nice smile and good oral hygiene. Sometimes she gives me muffins, but not so much anymore. She is also fun to chase. We have been going out for almost 3 years.
38. I prefer trackpants over jeans.
39. I would like to collect t-shirts, shoes or hats...if I had the money.
40. My favourite food is most likely spaghetti bolognese, but I've never decided for sure.
41. When I go out to eat, I still look at what comes with chips first.
42. I love peach ice tea.
43. I also love Choc-Mint/Bubblegum with nuts at Cold Rock. I ordered it the last 10 times I've been there.
44. I have been to Cold Rock 10 times.
45. I love most desserts in general, except pavlova. It's a devil cake. First it looks good, and then you have one bite, and it tastes stupid again.
46. I do not like quite a few things: Tomatoes, mushrooms, asparagus, avocado, grapes, rocket lettuce (not to be mistaken with iceberg lettuce, which I love), egg yolk, fried eggs, sultanas and cheese to name a few.
47. I struggle to not eat three times the suggested serving size if I'm eating chips or biscuits. But really, that's because the suggested serving size is ridiculous... eg. four biscuits.
48. I play the piano, which I learnt for 10 years. Now I play for fun on a regular basis.
49. I used to play the flute, which I learnt for 5 years.
50. I can also play the melodica, which is an awesome instrument.
51. I attempted to teach myself guitar, but got lazy. I want to learn still.
52. I also want to learn the harmonica, the banjo, the ukelele, bass guitar, double bass, and the steel drums.
53. I like to imagine I can sing but that doesn't make me awesome. I just sing to myself all the time.
54. Like most people, I have an eclectic taste in music that is not really definable. I just like what I like. My favourite band is Lazy Susan, and I'll give you a dollar if you sing me one of their songs.
55. In my life I have played or participated in gymnastics, swimming and basketball competitively (for a club). I also played basketball and soccer for my school.
56. I have a third place from the National Gymnastics comp and a second from the State.
57. I had to quit because I was too small. To stay on would have meant three years of training until I hit puberty and was as big as the other boys in my level.
58. I have no pets, but used to have a big German Shepherd called Rex. He was actually called Sultan, which is a pretty cool name, but... us boys were young. And Rex seemed more dog-like.
59. I also used to have a baby chicken called Timothy. One day Timothy escaped outside and saw Rex. He had a heart attack and died.
60. I do not have a favourite colour. At least, not one I could say without feeling I was being unfaithful to the other colours.
61. I love the game Taboo.
62. I also love Risk.
63. Like the colours, I don't know if I could say my favourite movie. There are lots up there.
64. Disney holds a special place in my movie love.
65. I once played Yoko Ono in a musical about John Lennon.
66. I love Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. It's awesome.
67. Amongst some other things I would like to learn are photography, video filming and editing, photoshopping and other digital imagery, cooking (especially pastry cooking) and surfing.
68. I love to read, although I don't read as much as I did when I was little. No real favourite authors, but I do like Nick Earls a bit. Terry Pratchett too.
69. When I was little, I would go to the library and before checking for any other books, I would go to the Childrens - Humour section first to see if there were any Garfield books in.
70. This year I am going to the Philippines on a mission trip with International Needs.
71. I am passionate about issues of social justice and equality.
72. In the last few years, I have done some work with the MakePovertyHistory campaign. I was an Ambassador at the concert in November '06 and a Group Leader on the ZeroSeven Road Trip in 2007.
73. I enjoy writing. It's one of those things that I love to do, but procrastinate over doing. I've been working on a few pieces for the last few years, but not as in actively working on. Just starting, and then leaving for a long time, until I've forgotten the ideas that made me want to write them in the first place.
74. I once won a competition for writing. I felt like I'd plagiarised something I'd read but couldn't remember.
75. I have recently developed a fascination at other people's obsessions with things. Most notably, bacon. Examples are here, here, here and here.
76. I once had a phobia of heights. I was too scared to even go down the slides at playgrounds. After I started gymnastics, that left. I don't really have a phobia now.
77. The first thing I notice on the opposite sex is their face.
78. I like playing computer/video games. GTA: San Andreas is my favourite, followed closely by Mario Kart and Minesweeper.
79. According to some website where you submit your monthly best Minesweeper score, I was third in the world. For one glorious month. I'm all washed up now. It's all downhill from here.
80. I'm not interested in cars in the slightest. Shiny round ones attract my interest though. But not Volkswagen round, they're too small.
81. I like Hummers, but it has nothing to do with them as a car, and definitely not to do with their contribution to the environment. It's part of a game we played when I was in America.
82. I have shinier than average fingernails. Unsure why.
83. I dislike cats. It comes from a deep relationship of mistreatment between the two of us that began in Germany. I was patting a cat, I wanted to get up and leave, cat scratched my face, I punched cat, cat disappears for two days, I thought I'd killed it. Cats are not as good as dogs.
84. If I was an animal, I think I'd be a mongoose.
85. My favourite animal used to be the Eastern Quoll, just to be different. I have no idea what my favourite is anymore.
86. I would love to work with animals, but I doubt it would ever happen. I saw a documentary once about people who have moved to go live with orphaned elephants and look after them. I would love to do that, but there's also a million other things I'd like to do.
87. I can type at an average of 109 words per minute. Mavis Beacon tells me so.
88. I have attempted to read the entire Bible in one year, but failed miserably. I think it had to do with trying to read it in order, no dedication, and just kinda rushing through it. I would like to one day accomplish this.
89. I have a dream of travelling with friends in a bus. I've wanted to do it since I was about 8. With cars, what attracts me is the number of seats, followed by cupholders.
90. I have had a fascination with learning everything I could since childhood. Not exactly school things, but random facts of information. One of my favourite books ever was 1001 Amazing Facts, and I would tell people facts from the book at random. I used to do extra projects on things like Volcanoes and Pirates...just for fun.
91. I like learning about history and important people of the past.
92. I keep a list of people that I need to read and learn about.
93. I enjoy public speaking. I used to be scared of it, and so my job on the debating team was to write the speeches.
94. I like comedy, it's my favourite genre of movies and books. Mostly. My favourite comedians include Demetri Martin, Jason Byrne, Steven K Amos, Mitch Hedburg and Dave Chapelle.
95. Doing stand-up is one of the scariest things I can think of, and I'd like to do it once in my life.
96. My three most visited websites are Hotmail, Facebook and Blogger. That's not very exciting, so the next three are CollegeHumor.com, JakeandAmir.com, and YouTube.com.
97. Before I die, I would like to do most extreme sports, learn the above listed things I want to learn, meet Nelson Mandela, go to a home game at Anfield, see the LA Lakers and the Detroit Redwings, and many others.
98. I recently made the transition from standing to sitting when I wipe.
99. I STILL shout at the kids on game shows for being stupid... even though I'm almost 20.
100. This blog took 443 days to write. I'm glad it's over.

Beach Mission '08

Well I'm back from my second year at Peninsula (formerly McCrae*) SUFM. Just as with last year, and most things of this nature, there are some really great bits and some really big challenges.

For pretty much the whole year, I haven't been sure why I would go back to mission, apart from the very weak reason that I didn't want to be 'soft' and quit after just one year. For the last month leading up to mission, I just was really reluctant to even think about it. In the final week before, I still didn't want to go.

The mostly negative feelings were there for the first half of mission. I think I was even going out of my way to find reasons to not like being there. I definitely had some struggles that weren't just self-inflicted, and some of these were the same as last year. Personality clashes are something that come with working in any team. I think, being the idealist that I am, that it gets to me more because we're meant to be living in a 'Christian community', but still can't get it right. I know that that's a very naive thing to think. You just seem to forget that when you are not thinking properly about it.

On one of the days in the middle, I hit the point of getting past all the rubbish and starting enjoying myself, and working out better ways to face the challenges. There was one day when JV and I were just play fighting against all the little boys and then some of the ones who were in my small group last year arrived and were really excited to see me and remembered me. That was an encouraging moment, which was also followed by a great teens program that night.

I feel that teens was a good move for me. I got the feeling the day after last year's mission that if I was to get more out of, and more importantly, give more to mission, I would be better suited for teens. I'll tell that story in another blog. There were four of us leaders, and we made a great connection with one teen in particular, but had quality interaction between all the teens over the time we were there. The real challenge for us is to make sure it's not all lost and forgotten about for the rest of the year.

Another thing that I really enjoyed about mission this year is the structure and organisation of each day. My usual day is extremely unorganised and I do things mostly at random. It was really good to schedule in things, especially specifically making time for God. I loved being forced to read the Bible everyday and having alone time (in which I would do physical things, as a balance for the 10 days of spiritual things). I want to try and make myself be more organised this year, and in doing so, make many aspects of my life healthier. On a physical level, I was worried how my skin would react to mission, since it was 10 days of stress and heat - things that usually flare me up - but it actually improved there, and I think it was partly to do with being organised and knowing exactly what I was doing at all times, and having scheduled time for myself or for relaxation or reflection.

That's about all I can spew from my head at the moment. Tomorrow I'm going to being my trying to be organised. There is some more stuff that I will write about later this week. Peace.

* It should be spelt McRae. Or McRay.

Resolution

So it's a new year. As always, I've found myself wondering whether or not I am going to have a resolution, and if so, I refuse to have a crappy, stupid, material one. This means that if I do actually get one, it'll either be a good genuine one, which I might not even write up here, or it'll be a token 'good-natured' one. Most likely.

I might do some thinking out loud here, to deliberate over this most exhilarating of topics. (I've actually been in a massive blog avoidance/slump/rut lately. Many many many saved drafts all half written and then walked away from, usually in the hunt for Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.) To start, let's have a recap of how the years has been for me.

• Started uni. Passed uni. Win. I really enjoyed the new challenge of uni and actually doing some work, sometimes. Usually two nights before it was due, meaning I'm making very small improvements. Added to that, the best part was the people, which is generally the case with everything I do. I've made some really good friends and it's been fun having social interaction away from the usuals who generally occupy most of my social interaction. Nothing against them. I just need some space sometimes. Also, uni means I have had a lot of Cold Rock. Yesssss. I can only look forward to more of the same next year. And maybe choosing another flavour at Cold Rock to have for once. And maybe stop using these incomplete, run-on sentenc...
• Driving... HA. As if. 32 hours...ladies. Hopefully license sometime next year. Although, I did tell Mum today that it only expires in 2016. Which means, 12 hours a year to make that 120. Therefore...I'm ahead of schedule.
• The Garage. 2007 saw me leaving leading at Club Sunday, and stealing all of the boys (nothing. suss.) for the Garage. Along with MW and JC, and with the late addition of JV, I led the Garage this year. I really struggled with it in the beginning, as we went through the paces of building relationships and trust with the boys, and they went from acting up to actually believing that we were doing something cool. However, by end of year, I was loving it. Having different chats with the boys and having them so much more excited about being there and talking to us outside the Garage was really encouraging for me. From time to time, I had struggles with the leaders as well, but that's expected from any ministry or job or anything really. Next year MW/G.I. Joe leaves us and it will be interesting filling his gap. I hope the Garage only gets better, as we build further on all the progress made this year.
• Another year with K . That officially makes it 2 years, 4 months, 13 days. Let's go for another 2413. Decades.
• Friends. New ones. Some really good new ones. Breakdowns of some, with op for re-building obviously. Requires a mutual effort to fix those ones. I feel bad for not trying enough with my school mates, since I let distance and a general stereotype of what would happen be my reason for not going. I want to do better there.
• Youth internship. Loved working in the office and around the church with SA last year. Challenge for next year is to make sure I do more work pretty much.
• Faith. I'm not sure what happened with my faith last year. I think it wasn't as drastic a change as the year before, but that's because that year was the first year I ever actually bothered trying. Of course I slipped off at times then, and did again in 2007, but this year I would really like to schedule myself or try to be really intentional in not just being involved in ministries, but finding time for my own exploration, reflection and questioning. I am looking forward to a new small group, whether with new people or the same or a mix. I also think that being part of the new Veta group, and while helping them, also studying everything that they study, will be really good. It'll be interesting how it goes with my little brother in that group.
• Work. None really, apart from the delivery route (forever finished), two plumbing jobs, and a brief stint as an integration aide, which will hopefully continue next year. I also have another job lined up, which I will write about soon.
• Sport. Hardly any. The working out challenge I've been doing all year. (I might publish those pictures later. Maybe.) Apart from that, nothing, and that sucks. I need to get into a sport. Definitely a resolution for this year.
• Health. I've struggled with my skin of late, and I'm writing a blog about this that will be posted soon. I hopefully will have less problems this year, because I've started trying to eat healthier and look after my body more.
• Africa Aid. I am absolutely stoked with the way Africa Aid's gone this year, in how far we've come (granted, only four of us) together. We've made major steps towards rebuilding Africa Aid as a functioning and efficient group outside school. We still need to work on our school team, but that's already underway. We face a big challenge this year in not only raising the $30,000 but letting people know where we've been for a year, and getting the whole team working without constants instructions etc. I'm excited/scared about this one.

That's about it, I don't think I'll try to resolve anything really. It's too hard to predict how a year will go. These are just the things from last year and what challenges I face in continuing/stopping them. The exciting things that you can't predict will come later, and I'll (hopefully) blog about them. Happy New Year, I hope yours is a safe, awesome one too, and that any resolutions/challenges you set for yourself are met well.

PS. Minor resolution: Blog more? Ha.

Quotes

I didn't blog much last week because I've had five assignments to knock out. Finished them all, but they got progressively worse.

With a title like "Quotes", you'd presume I'd write some inspirational things that affected me, or something of the like. No. In the week of extreme stress, I have sort of reacted by being immature and silly. Here are some things I've said:

(Before Garage)
Transvestites... men but in disguise. (to Transformers theme)

(At a play)
Person: We should give them a standing ovation!
Me: More like give them a standing ovulation!

(In German class)
If you can call someone stingy a tightarse... can you call somebody very generous a loosearse?

Am I silly? Yes. I was somewhere between amused and intrigued - amtrigued, that I didn't get angry or anything during the week. Usually that's my stress reaction. But not this time!

... and that completes today's pointless post. I am aware it is useless and there's not really much interest in it. Whatever. This one's for me then.

PS. 40 Hour Famine is officially done, but I am still doing it. Sponsor me please? Email me if you will, you may have already. I'm considering 40 hours voiceless, sightless (again), or arms-less. Unless there are other suggestions?

Motivation

Contrary to what you might think I'm writing about, this has nothing to do with exams or study.
I'm writing about inspiration, and how awesome it is when it gets you and you get all excited and energised about doing something, and then how irritating it is that that fades away. Ironically, this post was inspired by someone else: Kyla's blog.

I am a person who is quite, not very, but quite easy to inspire. I find it easy to grab hold of ideas and run with them. Therefore, I have had quite a few moments when I have been filled with energy to do things, specifically acts on social justice or faith involvement.

For a few days/weeks, I generally motor along at high speed, doing lots and being excited and having all these ideas and thoughts in my head. However, I always slow down and go back into cruise mode (although sometimes it is at a higher level of cruise than before), and this is what irritates me - I want to be excited ALL THE TIME!

This motivation, and then stalling of it, sometimes leaves me in a situation where I'm so far involved in something or, in my case, have started something, that I feel in too deep to back out of. I am often told this is never the case, that I cannot back out, but I also find it hard to let go of things when they are my ideas/work, etc. This is not to say I don't want to be part of it anymore, but it means I am part of it, and then get stressed I am not feeling as part of it. Possibly contributes to my burnouts.

I think that there is all this energy inside me already, but it sometimes needs something to come along and spark it, or reignite it, so it gets moving again. I wish I could just do it at will. Motivation can get you lots of places, even if you are lacking in talent or skill.

So now I sit, while in the middle of exams, organisation for the Zero Seven roadtrip, organisation for Africa Aid, running of Garage, Social Justice team at Church, numerous other projects... and wait for something to reignite me. Hopefully soon.

Thoughts

Well it's about that time again - new blog time. Which, obviously, should follow that for you, this should coincide with party time. I am going to write a timeline of different thoughts from today, to give you an insight to exactly where my head's been at the last few days, and offer a very weak explanation as to why I'm not fit for blogging currently.

8:02 AM - OH CRAP! Gotta get up. Ninja Turtles is totally on right now.

8:03 AM - I hate Toasted TV. I miss Ryan and Jade from Cheez TV. That Dan guy irritates me, but nowhere near as much as the dude from Rollercoaster. Stupid bowlcut glasses bad-joke idiotface. Pip is ok. She looks 12. Why hasn't TMNT started yet?

8:43 AM - I got up to do this International Studies 1500 word essay that's due tomorrow. But I really would rather watch videos. So I'll do that.

9:16 AM - I guess I should feel guilty. Totally not though. Reading blogs. Hate being sick, can't believe I've already killed about half a box of tissues.

9:18 AM - Ahem. Toilet Break.

10:18 AM - DB is here. Isn't it strange that when a car comes to pick you up, it's always two horns? Why not one? Is that not enough, and the person won't come outside? Is three too rude that the person will be upset and stay inside? Who decided this? When I drive, I'm going to horn five times.

10:44 AM - I hate Monash car pool parking. Biggest loser. Not the TV show, but it could stand to lose some weight. Especially in the form of loser cars who park here before we get to uni. Why doesn't uni start ten minutes after I start, meaning we always get the first park?

10:45 AM - Look at that smug couple who just happened to get good luck and sail into car pool parking when someone was leaving, just after we parked. DB and I should totally mug them and change all the nouns in their uni notes to 'poo', 'bum' and 'wee'. That'll teach them to be smug. See how much they love uni then. Stupid man in his stupid vest.

11:15 AM - German is quite good today. I am actually understanding stuff and... DOING WORK! I am such a winner. That girl keeps looking at me. Please stop looking at me. I keep looking at her tissues in her bag, because I'm almost out. The ones I have look like dirty little shreds of wet paper. Do I dare take one when she's not looking?

11:16 AM - I don't dare.

12:00 PM - Yes. Finished uni today. Now I'll just kill some time with Yugoslavian uni friend and then go home with DB. Oh yes, I have a Crunchy Nut bar in my lunch. Winner!

12:24 PM - I'm talking to Yugoslavian uni friend about our traditional foods. Neither of us know, and are trying to define Australian food. Not working. Is it considered that I have traditional Asian food often if we eat rice almost every night? Bit racist. Whatever.

12:58 PM - ARGH!!!! Sitting all alone waiting for DB to turn up at the car, singing to myself, quite loudly. Suddenly, in the car in front of me, a girl just pops up and stares at me. She was apparently sleeping.. in her car. Fool. That's what the library is for. If you're going to stare, at least sing with me. Or go home and sleep?

1:30 PM - Ok. I'm home. Gotta get crackin on this essay. But first, I'll eat my lunch. Pizza roll yessss.

1:40 PM - Alright. Ready. I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. That is so Spongebob of me. Hey, I should watch Spongebob! But probably not now. I'll just check my emails and stuff first.

2:20 PM - Yep. Really. Wasting. Time. Right. Now. I haven't done guitar scales in a while. Gotta do them if I want to be ready for my international tour next year.

2:50 PM - Oh my gosh. Why can't I work? What organ controls motivation? Is it the brain? Imagine it was something else, like appendix or tonsils or something weird. Then, when you got it removed, you explain lack of motivation. Pity I haven't had anything removed.

2:58 PM - Ok. Getting started. First I'll make some tea, fill my water bottle, get a new tissue box, and then get started. Good, I'm getting there.

3:00 PM - WOO GO GO GO! WORKKKKKK. First I'll listen to the recording of the lecture I need.

3:02 PM - I'm tired. And have had enough.

3:06 PM - I want more tea. My uni lecturer is so silly. His voice goes up at the end of every sentenCE. Like thIS. Plus he likes to swear loTS, so that he fits IN. Fails.

3:33 PM - Ha. It's 333 PM. Awesome.

4:00 PM - Yessss. I've knocked off 361 words. That's 24%. Awesome.

4:30 PM - I am readddddinnngg myyyy texxtttboook. I am readdding my texxtttbookk. I am reading. reading. reading. OHHH. I am reading my texxtttboook.

4:42 PM - Oh crap, I haven't chosen a Captain Planet episode for the Garage yet. I've been too busy doing nothing and watching Captain Planet episodes.

5:30 PM - Hmm. One and half hours and I've still only written 361 words. I guess that warrants a break, right? I haven't blogged in a while, not since that totally awesome one on Stray Cats. Hmm. Maybe I'll write a super cool timeline on my thoughts.

5:39 PM - This really isn't working out how I wanted it to. It's going to be super crap.

5:45 PM - Yep. Bad. But I've already written more words than I have for my INT1010 essay. Can't go back and delete them now, that would be ludicrous. I want more tea. Heroes is on tonight. Yay nachos!

EDIT: 5:57 PM - I don't even care. Best. Blog. Ever.

Frustration

I. am. frustrated.

Yesterday's Garage wasn't the greatest start to the term. We now only have an hour to operate in, and it wasn't enough time, so we had to cut the program down. Several boys/behaviour were a struggle, and it's annoying because I also like these boys. I get along with all of them outside the Garage, but when it comes to the program, I wish sometimes that some of them weren't there. Which is harsh and unfair. But yes. Garage made me angry. We also had a new boy, who I'd talked up the Garage to, and told him it would be more exciting and fun than the usual kids stuff at church. Pretty much didn't back that up.

Also. I got on the bus to uni today. 1 hour 15 mins. Get to Monash. All the buildings have no lights or anything. Walk around, try to find out what's going on. Nothing. Call someone. "Uni's been cancelled, the power's out, so you can just go home!" Well. I wasn't as excited. Why? Because I had to walk back to the bus-stop, get the loop bus that passes through Forest Hill and irritates me. A further 1 hour 25 minutes. On the packed bus, loser people who put their bags on one seat, and their feat on another, meaning they take up three seats. Totally wanted to break their legs and throw their bags out of the bus. Irrational? Pfft. Total time wasted = 3.5 hours. Anger.

I'm also. sick. of. chasing people up and making sure they've done stuff. It stresses me out. Far out, I hate complaining and writing about my anger and such. It makes me feel and seem like a whinger. But at least I'm not bottling it. But yes. Maybe another burnout is coming up, sooner than expected.

Money

After a meaningful chat with a very good friend of mine, a lot of thoughts and questions were raised for me, about how this society and I live our lives. I want to reiterate one of my 40-day improvement plan challenges. The money one. I think it seems like I would find it hard to spend less than $30 a day. This is wrong. I spend almost nothing everyday, and if I do, it rarely exceeds $10.

I feel bad if I spend lots of money on material things like clothes. I don't spend much on other things, like alcohol or extra food, because it's such a waste. I can live without those things. True, if I do spend money, it probably is on food, but not to the point of excessiveness. Which sounds like a justification. And probably is.

The money challenge isn't so much to curb my spending, but to highlight how easy it would be for me live without spending much at all. At least, in this life I lead at the moment, where a lot of stuff is taken care of for me by my parents, and I have no need to worry about survival, I can respect that and not waste what I have.

I always felt bad, going to a private school. Part of the reason I started Africa Aid was because I saw the ability and potential - in energy and financially - of the people there, and knew a lot of it was being wasted. If you compared the amount the boys put into the cafeteria each day, compared to the aid stuff at school... it makes me sick. I didn't want to force people to care, nor to just give their money and not bother knowing why. Just I didn't want a shameless material consumerist attitude to be the dominant one. (I feel very uni student after writing that.)

It's the same in the church. There are plenty of people who spend ridiculous amounts on lots of things. Clothes. Hair. Travel. Going out. I have nothing against all of these things. Indeed, I spend money on these things too, just I try to be conscious of how much I spend, and how often. I don't quite understand what Church of Christ means. I know a big part of it is being missional, going out into the community and giving of self. I think that money does not have to be the complete giving, nor should it, but I think it has its place too. But it gets wasted on other things, or just absent mindedly forgotten that an offering is important. That said... I need to lift my game on offering too.

The attitude that money, while not the meaning behind life, or means to a better life - in quality not quantity, still comes with important decisions and morals is something we are trying to show to the Garage boys. Jono prepared a simulation for them a few weeks ago - the Game of Life. The boys were put in families, and had to deal with the everyday battles of families - housing, food, medical, insurance, etc. - as well as forces of nature and unexpected happenings of life. Each family started off with different amounts of money, to simulate how it is in this world. The boys understood I think - one mum told me that her sons went home and made boxes, so that they could purposely set aside money each week to give to something more meaningful than their cafeteria. That made me feel like the Garage was a worthwhile thing.

Anyway. This is it for now. I shall write more later. I guess that the only thing that will challenge me about the money 40 days thing is if I see something I want - due to greed and want for possession, not need - and then can't buy it. But I will get over it.

300

Went to Melbourne Central today with K. First playdate in a while, which was good, because it's been a struggle not finding proper time to set aside for that. We saw 300 in Gold Class... pretty much disappeared into the giant chair. You could probably have sat a family in one of the seats.

300 was pretty good, very graphic movie. I've heard rumours about it being racist, bias, etc. Which it could be. See, the movie is about a group of 300 Spartan warriors versus the might of the Xerxian Persian Empire. However, the Spartans are pure bred warriors - noble, strong, brave. The Persians have mutants, lesbians, their leader is dressed pretty scary transvestite-esque. And they're the bad guys. So I can understand that.

Anyway, I prefered to focus on the obvious value points of the movie - honour, glory, nobility, freedom, fighting for your beliefs. Although, this fighting was with violence, which maybe I don't see a problem with sometimes... don't abuse me on that. I still haven't figured out what I believe there. I believe in Jesus, and I don't know if he thought violence was ever appropriate. Although, God did choose people to lead his people in battle.. mostly in Old Testament though. I have never been sure of the righteousness of violence, and if it's appropriate ever.

All in all, 300 was a good movie, but maybe there might have been more focus on themes and ideas, rather than a bit of that and a lot of violence. One of my favourites, V for Vendetta, managed to have violence and lots of thought-provoking stuff. But still. Go see 300. Next on my list is... TMNT (which has been getting like 2 stars). And Mr Bean. Maybe with the Garage boys.

Fire

During a Youth Leaders meeting today with Jono and Matt, we were discussing strengths, weaknesses, personality etc. I wrote for one of my strengths 'Fire'. I'm passionate about stuff, and I like to use it to drive me to do everything. It means I am usually on fire for whatever I'm doing, and really want to make it work, even if it means hard work. This means that my strength is great, my drive is great. They're my positives. However, as one of my weaknesses, 'Fire' was also there. It sometimes makes me harsh, strong-minded, arrogantish. This is the downside of 'Fire'. Jono and Matt agreed that Fire was definitely my element.

Jono has a condition called synesthesia, in which letters, numbers, words, sounds, odours and shapes evoke colours and visual imagery in his mind. I'm pretty sure he told me that the colour of my name is red. But can't remember, ha. Either way, we decided that in our version of Power Rangers, I'd be the Red Ranger - as I usually assume leadership of stuff when there is none, get fired up easily about doing things, but also with anger, etc. May often make brash decisions, or try and rush in and do things myself without thinking I need others' help... then have to rely on the other Rangers to save me. I might not see that things could work from a different approach from mine... needing someone like Air to show me a different perspective.

We decided Jono was Air, but we didn't decide a Ranger. He was able to see things from a different point of view, and, like wind, he brings change - different ideas and creativity that others lack. However, sometimes, ground level, smaller things, escape him, which is the weakness of air.

Matthew, ironically, was Water. Due to his calm nature, and usually quieter, cooler self, Matt is fairly level headed and doesn't let anger get to him quickly. However, Water always has that indication that it could be powerful and great at any moment. I think it was appropriate for Matt. The weakness of the water was that sometimes it can be too laidback, too calm. Sometimes it needs some fire to get it going. Matt cited lacking passion as one of his weaknesses, making the need for fire seem appropriate.

After discussing all these ideas quite seriously, we decided that, in one way or another, our element leads us to rush into stuff and generally not be very organised. Also, we often forget little things that are quite important to making what we do better. We decided we need an Earth. Basically, an Earth is... down to earth. They see the little things that set the foundation for big things. They are solid and hold back people like Fire, Water and Air before they rush off without thinking about things. I think it's true. We need an Earth. Or try to be more like Earth, while still keeping our other strengths.

This is a very complicated and weird sounding explanation of our leader qualities, but I find it interesting. Each of the elements needs the others to keep them balanced, but also brings something that aids the others. When I was contemplating putting the Garage together, and who the leaders would be, I actually did think about the qualities of each person, and things to work on, and how we all compliment each other nicely. I think it works. But where is our Earth? Stay tuned for more element adventures.

Deliverance

Coming home from delivery today, singing to myself as I tend to do. Walk past boy, maybe same age as me, maybe younger. Boy is bit smaller than me, but scrawnier. Kinda like my Garage boys. He stops me.

Boy: What you looking at?
Me: Nothing man.
B: Nah, bull. You were staring at me.
(I had sunglasses on. Take off sunglasses.)
M: Look, I'm going home. I wasn't looking at you, let it go.
B: F**king c**t. You were staring at me. You wanna go me?
M: No. I want to go home. (thought I was clever)
B: Nah let's fight c**t.
M: No let's not. I'll beat you. Sorry if you thought I was looking at you, see you later.
(Put back on sunglasses. Walk away. Boy follows.)
B: Bring it pussy. Fight me.
(Ignore him. Walk about 100 metres on. Boy still following. Still shouting.)
M: Ok. Fine. Let's fight. Come hit me, you can have the first shot.
B: (Standing down the path from me. Would have had to walk towards me for a bit before he hit me, would have looked quite funny.) ... Nah whatever. You're a pussy.
(Boy walks away. I go home.)

That was the most useless part of my day. To make it more interesting, I thought I would rewrite it from different points of view. With a few embellishments...

1) Green Power Ranger. The one that always saves the others in the end.
Coming back to base to meet Zordon, after putting away another over-sized monster, I encountered an evil doer.

Evil Doer: Puny human. I will destroy you.
Me: Not likely Evil Doer. You're going down. It's morphin' time!
(We fight stupidly, waving our arms like we're having a seizure. Everytime a hit is landed, sparks fly. I land a super kick to ED's chest, he flies into a tree. Lightning suddenly shoots down from the sky, hitting ED. He grows monstrous.)
ED: Evil laughter.
Me: Oh no! It's time to summon Megazord!
(Sweet music plays. I get in Megazord. Totally awesome. We battle, crushing a few buildings that nobody will remember later. He is beating me for a while, until I call my super sword. Finally, I destroy the monster.)
Me: Let that be a lesson to all of you evil doers out there.

2) Samurai
Returning home from a long quest involving honour and prosperity, I encounter a villainous fiend.

Villainous Fiend: I have been awaiting you. My name is Betty. Your father is a coward, your mother gives birth to cowards and I'm better than your whole family at maths.
Me: You have dishonoured my family! We must fight to the death.
(Both of us fly into the nearby trees, fighting each other with swords. Lots of wind. Lots of leaves flying around. Some sort of flute music. Betty flies to nearby lake. I follow. Somehow we manage to quickly run across the water.)
Betty: Mmm... impressive Striking Dragon. You have mastered the Venomous Toad attack, but can you take my Three Point Tiger Claw? Also, what is 82 X 914?
(Waves arms around. Mysteriously swishes hair from over his face. Flies towards me.)
Me: Phoenix Wing attack! 74948!
(Flap my arms like I'm flying. Twirl around fancily. Knock out Betty. Betty slowly dies. )
Me: I have returned honour to my family. I have proved my superiority of the art of fighting and mathematics. Farewell.

I was going to write one as in "What Would Jesus Do"? It was hard. I'll work on it, but for now, I challenge you to try and write that one. Whether you know stuff about the Bible or not.

Day at the Beach

Sunday was Clean Up Australia Day! The Garage crew were put into action at Ruffey Lake Park, and it was a great time I feel. Also, I'm now in love with the park, and shall go there more often.

Anyways, after that it was off to Frankston for Mr. Digger's party on the Frankston foreshore. Twas quite a nice area, and I enjoyed Digger's 2nd Annual Bocce Invitational. When I went for a walk with K, we came upon some Christians loudly preaching on a box and handing out novelty things. I'm not sure exactly what denomination they were, apparently Fundamentalist, but I don't know what that means. They gave us one of those million dollar notes that said:

The million-dollar question: Will you go to heaven? Here's a quick test. Have you ever told a lie, stolen anything, or used God's name in vain? Have you looked with lust? Which is adultery of the heart in God's eyes. Will you be guilty on Judgment Day? If you have done those things, God sees you as a lying, thieving, blasphemous, adulterer-at-heart. The Bible warns that if you are guilty, you will end up in Hell. That's not God's will. He sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross for you. Jesus took your punishment upon Himself: "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." Then He rose from the dead and defated death. Please, repent (turn from your sin) today and trust in Jesus, and God will grant you everlasting life. Then read your Bible daily and obey it.

I don't think I like this. Have not completely worked it out, but I will post once I do.

'Million dollar' note... So does Christianity undeniably support Ned Kelly? Just wondering.

There was also a 'Smart Card' that had one of those things where you put your thumb on it and it changes colour. Well this one started red, and supposedly turned green if you were a 'good person'. The catch is... it never turns green, because the back of the card goes on to say:

Sorry... you're just like the rest of us. The dictionary says "good" is to be "morally excellent." Let's check the standard, the Ten Commandments, to see how far we fall short: Is God first in your life? Do you love Him with "heart, mind, soul and strength?" Have you made a god to suit yourself? Have you used His name in vain? Have you kept the Sabbath day holy? Have you always honoured your parents? Have you hated anyone, and therefore committed murder in your heart? Have you looked with lust and therefore committed adultery in your heart? Have you lied (including "fibs"), stolen (the value is irrelevant, includes downloading movies and burning CDs), or coveted other people's possessions? If you are honest, you know you will be guilty on the Day of Judgement. God however, doesn't want you to be sent to Hell. Jesus Christ suffered and died on the Cross, so you could go free. That's how much God loves you. We broke God's Law, but Jesus paid our fine. Then He rose from the grave and defeated death. If you repent (be sorry to God that you've violated His Law, and turn away from your sin) and trust in Jesus, God will forgive your sins and grant you everlasting life. Read your Bible daily (start with the chapter called John).

Dislike. So if you're not a Christian, you're not a good person, or at least on your way to being one? Rubbish, I know plenty of people who are better people than lots of Christians. Besides that, this sort of thing, designed to scare me into believing in God, makes me want to turn away from it. And I already believe. Irritated at it, but need to find out more and think about it more before I can post more.

Reasons Why My Church Would Benefit From Doing Vetamorphus (Updated:Work in progress)

This is based off a passing comment I made once, after all the frustrations I had with whinging and seemingly 'eyes-closed' Christians who are comfortable just using the church for its services, etc. and never asking questions or giving back. I feel like I come across very 'high and mighty' sometimes, I hope I'm not. This is just a major irritation for me. Now I understand that the ten things I'm going to say can be found through many other avenues, but I feel closest to Vetamorphus, so I'm going from there. I also realise that Vetamorphus wouldn't give the same things to me as everyone else, but I'm sure if a bit of effort was put into engaging it, they would definitely receive from it.

1) The close friendships that form. Especially in the small groups, where you specifically meet with the same people each week and share the deepest parts of your weekly life, thoughts and beliefs. This sort of openness, I think, will usually lead to good friendships, and it did. However, the retreats that combined all the groups from across Victoria were also awesome, and some of my good friends are also from those. Too often at church or youth group or even the Garage group, I see people - Christian or not - who look left out and seem as if there's nobody there for them to be able to talk to. I must confess, often I don't even make an effort to reach them, because I'm comfortable where I am with my friends. However, I've resolved to start trying to look out for and be a friend to the 'outsiders'. Because they're as equal to God as I or my friends are, so I should treat them that way.

2) Seeing and listening to other people's beliefs. Even if we all came under the Christianity umbrella. Vetamorphus opened my eyes to the huge array of beliefs and thoughts that different Christians possess, as individuals and as members of different denominations (and even of my own). Some things scare me, such as huge event evangelism, spiritual gifts such as tongue speaking and prophecising, as this is what my non-Christian friends tease me about and get the wrong idea of Christianity from. If I had not done Vmorph, and just stayed in my church, I would have been sheltered from all these other approaches to Christianity and worship. I'm still scared of them in a sense, but seeing the people who openly embrace those things was a real eye-opener. They seem so much more in-tune spiritually than I have ever felt. I remember times before Vmorph when I made jokes with other people from church about that sort of stuff. I feel bad about it now, because I would have continued doing that probably, if not for last year. Just the fact that I was exposed to all these extra elements to faith showed me that there's a whole lot more growing for me to do, and not to sit back and let things happen to me - I should be making things happen.

3) Helps one to realise their leadership potential. Part of the course requirements for Vetamorphus are that you actively engage in a ministry for 40 hours, and a live-in ministry for another 40. While one may take on a ministry simply to fill the requirements, by the end of it, you realise the impact you're having on other people, and just how capable you are of it. There are so many people, me included, who are happy to coast along and never give back to others. Part of it, at least for me, is laziness, but it used to be that I didn't see myself as able to, or 'worthy' enough to do something for others. Now, thanks partially to Vetamorphus, I know that I'm more than capable of a lot of things that I can't even imagine, and so is everyone else.

4) Mentors. I think mentors would benefit so many people at church, and outside too. Just the ability to sit and talk about life intentionally with someone who is more experienced, usually older, and who sees life from a different angle to you, is such a cool thing. For me, my mentor approaches faith and life in a bit of a different way then I do, but I respect his ways and his person so much. Mentoring gave me the chance to open up and build a friendship based on trust from the very start with someone I didn't know that well. For all the people at church, whether involved in their own friendship groups or still relative loners, mentors would be a great help, and the opportunity for them to mentor others would also be an eye-opener, and a way for them to be self-empowered.

5) Benefit on community. This one kinda goes with number 3. While everybody who does Veta is given a chance to exercise their leadership, clearly the community they are reaching out to will benefit from their efforts. Sure, sometimes efforts don't end up the way they were intended, but when more and more people are exercising leadership (whether that's outright or by following and helping others) with good intentions, good things are bound to happen.

6) Faith exploration. Up until last year, I almost never read my Bible. Ever. I'm so action-centred that I rarely leave time for self reflection and reading. I enjoy it, heaps, but I just never seem to do it. Although I didn't put as much into the readings as I could have (something I'll try to change), all the other ways Veta helped me ask my questions, voice my thoughts, hear others' opinions and just explore faith in different ways helped me to grow up a lot. I feel like I was so blind just coming along to church all the time, but never questioning or exploring, just accepting everything. The thing is, I never even imagined there was anything I could question. Although it might sound weird, questioning and wrestling with why I believe the things I believe, and even what I believe, has made things a whole lot clearer for me. I think that there are lots of people at church and outside who never think or bother to question, or dismiss their beliefs as stupid, but they shouldn't. Eveyrone's entitled to their beliefs, and should feel comfortable enough to voice them and question them, and Veta would help our church do that.

7) Different ways of worship. Worship pre-Veta, for me, meant coming to church on Sunday, praying before bed and reading the Bible. Tis what it meant, and I didn't get much out of it. Veta taught me about all the different things I could do to build my faith and others' too. Faith through action, through church life, through community, through reading, through self reflection and meditation. I loved all of it, and it taught me how much more there is to Christianity than I ever knew - and I'm supposedly an 'insider', since I've been going to church my whole life, as opposed to an 'outsider', who doesn't believe in Christianity, and has stereotypical views of it. A major reason why there's so much stupid politics and arguments in church is because people are so set in their ways and traditions. If only they knew how good it is to engage in a new way, someone else's way of worship, and that it could be better for them and the church. Even engaging in other practices of other religions is cool, buddhist meditations and fasting are something I'd like to try, as well as lots of other things.

To My Fellow Comfortable Christians

Sometimes I get too comfortable just rockin up to small group and church, and never giving back. This year I'm trying to change that, with the Youth Internship and the Garage, etc. I know that it not only strengthens my faith to be actively trying to help others grow, but it's an example to the people I lead that they can and should do the same thing.

Saw this on the World Vision site, Church section:

"Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." James 2:17

"Not every person is called to work in refugee camps, slums or other frontlines of poverty. None of us can end global poverty and oppression on our own. But together, we can each play our part living a life that brings God's love to the poor."

Not only is that awesome and relevant to doing stuff in the church, it's also true for getting outside the comfort of church and going to the people, instead of whinging about why more numbers aren't coming to us. Hooray for mission.

Free Hugs Campaign/Random Niceness

Most people know about this. A dude from Sydney, Juan Mann (haha I laugh at this, it's like one man, making a difference, you'll see after you watch the clips), started walking around Sydney carrying a sign saying 'Free Hugs'. People loved it, except the council banned him, because if someone got hurt they'd be liable. They said he needed $25 million liability insurance. Ridiculous. Anyway, he overcame it in a different way. I saw some people commenting the videos, saying they were 'nancy' and stuff, but they're just haters. I know how cool it is to have random people to random nice things for you. It's even just cool when there's a person who's willing to listen to you, often they're not that close of a friend. Last year when I went through a whole lot of stuff involving family, I had dudes who weren't my closest friends just sit and listen to me ramble, and it helped hugely. Just recently I've met someone who's told me lots about themselves, and I've told them, and I think it's cool that we can trust so easily. I don't really worry about if in the future it might be thrown back in my face. I used to.

There's an idea I have for the Garage on doing random acts of kindness, but we'll see. It might end up just being stolen from "Pay It Forward", but that movie might even end up being a movie theme study.

Where are the leaders?

I always talk about this, but it's something I think should be talked about. So we started the Garage yesterday, and I am so excited about it. However, afterwards, I had a parent ask me, "What about my boy? Why can't he come down?" This was really confronting for me, because I didn't want to say, "He's just too old." The problem is, if we were to allow that boy in, then we'd have to make an acceptance of all boys his age, and the small group would become a huge group.

Another reason I felt bad was that I started the Garage with the intention of supporting the boys through the year pre-VCE, because those were the years I had nothing. But the reality now is that the boys in Year 9 and 10 are still stranded with not much. The problem is that while Matt, Jono and I are leading the Garage, there's nobody to lead a group for the left-out ones. It's not that we're the only young male leaders at the church, far from it. The problem is, the other males (including parents, who are more than capable of runing a small group and much more experienced than us) are either leading other projects at church, or just don't see themselves as leaders. That's something I always try to point out to people in my Africa Aid speeches - that they can lead, and most people can make fantastic leaders if they realise than can be.

One of the vision points for the Garage was to help the boys realise their potential as young leaders in church and outer community. Hopefully by the time they get to my age (making me sound old), or even earlier, they know how useful they could be, and show the next group of boys the same thing.

The first Garage

We had the first Garage session yesterday. The morning started with us leaders turning up, and finding out someone at church had gone into the garage, saw our couches, didn't know about them, and therefore thought it ok to just throw them out. Super. However, Mr. Albury, being the top youth minister and guy that he is, arranged for some new chairs to go in. (They're probably not staying though, so if anyway wants to donate furniture...)

When we came down with the boys, they seemed genuinely excited to be there, and I was pretty excited too. I think it will take a while for them to understand and embrace the kind of openness we're looking for, but that's fine, I wasn't that open at their age too.

We needed to clean up the garage, sweeping, vacuuming, window washing, etc. We paired the boys up, and let them get to separate jobs, but during this, they had to do something like the activity in Remember The Titans, when Coach Boon makes the African-American students pair with the white students and learn three things about them. After the cleaning, the boys came back with mostly surface-level things, but hopefully we'll keep getting deeper as the year goes. It was only the first session after all.

Anyways, I'm really excited about the Garage. It's going to be fun, and hopefully meaningful too. Next week we're going to a toboggan/waterslide park in Whittlesea, just for something cool to do.

I start my internship today as well, am quite looking forward to it.

The Garage '07

Next year, two of my mates - Matt Waters and Jono Croxford - and I are running a small group. It's called The Garage, because we're taking over the garage underneath the church office. None of these silly names like 'KidZone'. It's going to be for the boys in Grade 5 to Year 8. The reason for this is, the boys a bit old for singing childish songs about Jesus and doing silly actions, but maybe not ready for the intensity of something like Vetamorphus or a VCE small group. When I was that age, I pretty much thought I was 'too cool' for church or any of that stuff, mainly because I had nothing to explore in or ask my own questions. It wasn't until this year and Vetamorphus that I've had that, and now that I do, I see how good it would be for the boys to have it too.

After a meeting today with Jono and Matt, we came up with this working vision statement of our six reasons for doing The Garage:

• To help the boys realise their potential as young leaders in church and the wider community
• To present other options in ways of life and support them as they grow into young men
• To create a space to build courage and strength in their ability to help, assist, change, question, answer and be.
• To create a comfortable environment to explore questions of faith.
• To create an environment of trust and support between boys and leaders.
• To be their friends.

I'm really excited about doing this, because I feel I'm finally giving like I should be, rather than just a bit. I hope it'll be good, we'll see. Starting date is Feb 4th, I'll write more about it after then.