Wednesday, March 19, 2008


The juggernaut keeps on rolling...I didn't even look for this one. It just was a link on a page I was looking at today. The stuff's following me.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


I'm at home today, working on many an assignment. To cheer myself up, I did a bit more investigation on the strange phenomenon of people wanting bacon in things that really don't need it. Remember our bacon-chocolate bar? It turns out that was only the delicate chocolate layer on this growing pig-flavoured freakshow.

First off, we have this: Maple Bacon Morning coffee. From the creators: "Embark on a smooth sail each morning with this breakfast flavored coffee. The taste of sweet maple and smoky bacon blend perfectly to create a hearty start to your day." I don't think it's so much a hearty start to your day, as a heart-attacky start to your day. I've never put maple syrup on bacon. I certainly have never woken up and thought, "Damn. I haven't got time for the usual breakfast of maple syrup on bacon, but I need to feel like I'm getting just as much grease in my diet. What ever can I do?"

And, of course, why would you be needing such a big wake up in the morning? Because you got ridiculously smashed the night before on Bacon-Flavoured Vodka. That's right, you irresponsible alco you. I actually don't understand why people love bacon things so much.

The last site I put up also has its own archive of bacon flavoured things. Bacon cupcakes, bacon candy, bacon lollipops, bacon cigarette papers, bacon bubbles, bacon wrapped in bacon, bacon apple pie, bacon cookies, bacon hair conditioner, bacon breath mints (sure to attract the ladies), they even have a bacon suit - oh don't worry, it isn't made of bacon, it just looks and smells like it... which is so much better. It's like Bubba from Forrest Gump gave up on the shrimp business and moved into the obviously booming bacon industry.

You know when you say or write a word too many times, and it begins to feel like you're saying a word that doesn't exist? It's like you've reached the max quota of times you can use that word ever. Well bacon is definitely out of my vocabulary now. It doesn't even look recognisable as a word to me anymore.

So, what can we summarise from today's lesson? There are a lot of unhealthy bacon lovers out there... and I just wasted an hour of my time. I need a strong drink. Maybe some vodka, but it would need a little something extra...

Monday, March 17, 2008


Here is a reason why my mum is annoying:

She has labelled ALL OVER the Cocopops box. We don't eat Cocopops much because mum is anti sugar/fun.

It now says: Cocopops MUST be eaten with Cornflakes or Weetbix otherwise I won't be purchasing anymore due to the HIGH sugar content.

I just ate a Cocopop with neither, Mum. Stick that in your pipe.

...Please don't tell?

Sunday, March 09, 2008


Yes I have been slow with updates (I have some drafts almost finished, promise). BUT! This is a very important moment. Why? Because with a tiny sandwich, I have demonstrated the gradual development of my maturity. Here's how:

Old Me Sandwich
Bread: Two pieces of bread, straight from the loaf.
Meat: Microwaved soggy chicken schnitzel. Trade-off of less time for quality. Seemed worth it.
Vegetables: Are you serious?
Extras: Thought about extras, did not bother getting any.
Enjoyment: Meh, was better than eating biscuits for lunch.
Other: Did not wash dishes.

New Me Sandwich
Bread: (I searched for Turkish bread or focaccia first.) Two pieces of bread, lightly buttered and grilled. Note: I USED THE FREAKIN GRILL. Big steps for me.
Meat: Oven-cooked chicken schnitzel in the oven for twenty-five minutes. It was crunchy. Definitely worth the wait.
Vegetables: Fresh rocket lettuce.
Extras: Mayonnaise, salt and pepper.
Enjoyment: Thoroughly enjoyed.
Other: Did not wash dishes. Pfft, that's not an ingredient to a good sandwich.

Now I know that I'm no super chef and won't be having any success in a restaurant any time soon, but it's massive for me. So there. ALSO, on the subject of cooking, my new favourite show is "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares". The dude honestly says the F word more than somebody with Tourette's. I counted 28 between ad breaks once.

Yehhhh, that's a good BBQ unit...WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?

... you idiot, that's a sandwich, it has nothing to do with barbeques. Way to misuse a quote.

Don't bag me, or my inner monologue. Bizznatch.