...Mail

On the previous post's note, here is one I recently received that I actually laughed at. It's stuff that is supposedly from real students' tests.

Chain...

I generally hate when people send me emails saying "This is funny" or "Worth a look". I always think it'll be bad. Except for this one time, the other day, when my good friend the Nigerian Prince emailed me about some sweet deal he's found. Being the great guy that he is, he's asking me if I want in on it. In fact, he made it so easy - all I have to do is give him my bank account details and wait for the money to come rolling in. I would be a FOOL not to do it. Right? He even offered to sell me cheap Viagra. He's definately invited to my next birthday party.

Anyway, of course I went ahead with it. Call me irrational, but I'm scared that if I don't, the love of my life won't call me back tonight, and I will have a bad sex life for the next seven years. Not only that, but statistics say I will contract gonorrhea, my shoes will turn into fish, my dinner will taste like staplers and my face might just fall off.

Let me know if you want in on this opportunity, I'd be happy to share the love.

Perfection

There's been a terrible lot of my mind lately. Over the last few months, especially at church, I've found it so easy to get frustrated at people. I've been angry at people for little to big things they've done, said, or even not done or said. I've also been angry at myself, because I am a hypocrite, and also do bad things, or not do things that need to be done.

I don't know how I would do this in a public setting, so this is where I'll start. I want to declare my imperfection, and confess that I am flawed. As a Christian, people sometimes judge us as thinking we are 'better' or 'higher' - indeed, some Christians I have met actually think this way. In no way are we 'better' or 'perfect'. We believe in something that is sometimes misunderstood as representing us as perfect people. We are not. I am not. I am a person seeking to be good as I can be, to live as good a life as I can, and to be as good to others as I can... and I KNOW that I fail many many times. This doesn't mean I'll give up any time soon.

To most of you reading, there will have been struggles I've had with you, that were either irrational, dealt with wrongly, or just not even said to you. I'm sorry for these. I am quick to judge, quick to think negatively, while masking over that I, too, make mistakes. I believe in forgiveness, and I am still working on forgiving some things, as well as myself for some things.

After reading Jono's blog a few posts ago, about relationships and the need for people to speak their feelings, I left feeling rather annoyed. I looked at the blog, the comments, my own, and realised - so many people are prepared to talk and give advice and say all these things they would do if they were in the situation, to state their beliefs - but it's so much easier to not act on it when you are truly faced with it. I found it so easy to judge people for what they'd said/written, because there had been instances I thought they hadn't done what they'd written. So once again, I have been to quick to judge, when I really struggle as well to follow my own advice. I often find myself talking to people, giving advice, speaking my mind, and then soon after, when faced with a similar situation, doing something completely opposite to what I had said. But the reality is, as I'm realising, is that what we believe in is intrinsically good. It's just a difficult battle to make that reality. This is the battle faced by all people who aim to lead a good life, by a moral code of some sort, or a commitment to a belief.

Simon wrote today in his blog that in Romans 7:18-19 it says, "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing". And that about sums me up. I do a bit of good, but a lot of time time, I also do a bit, or a lot, of bad. I also see a lot of non-Christian people who I think are great examples to everyone of how to be a good person - to both Christians and non-Christians.

I want to not judge people so harshly, or so quickly, or even at all. I want to be able to see the plank in my eye before even thinking about the speck in another's. Too often I fall short of all the good I say or think I believe in. But I still have hope and faith that if I keep trying, good will outweigh bad. That's the best I can do. An imperfect sort of life, but as good an imperfect one as I can lead.

Passion

I love when people speak with passion, or very openly display it. It's such a open expression of yourself, and it's so easy to connect with, even if it's something that I'm generally not that interested in. You could speak to me about something really boring/silly - such as that childhood rumour that the amount of stitchlines on your cap meant how good it was - but if you do it passionately, I'll probably be interested.

Tonight, a guy named Peter Breen came to church. He's visually impaired - blind from birth - and if I remember correctly, something like a head member of Christian Blind Mission International. I know he's with them, but don't quote me on the headness.

Anyway, he played the piano and sang a number of songs for us. He was a talented pianist and a great singer - which was impressive alone - but the fact that he sang with such passion and a emphasis was what made it awesome.

Along with these, he told lots of funny stories and jokes, and related his experiences back to life and faith. He was pretty laidback, but it wasn't hard to feel his passion for his message - which was to find the light in the darkness. As the quote says in one of my old blog's, and Simon's most recent, "it is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness". Through Peter's talking and singing tonight, it was very clear that he has overcome his darkness many times, and lit many a candle. It was so clear because of the passion he spoke with, and his solid belief in it, and that God could help him come through anything. I sometimes shy away from that sort of stuff, especially that adamant outright statement of absolute belief in God, because I doubt and wrestle a lot, but it was a great encouragement for me.

In MPH training, we've been telling the Ambassadors that they shouldn't speak about facts and statistics and try to guilt trip people into caring about poverty, but to just speak about what makes us passionate. This is something I've believed in for some time now. I find that I make better connections and reach people more when I just talk about what I believe in and why, rather than try to tell them the old 'a child dies every three seconds'. Real passion makes real connections. Winner.

MYsweeper

In response to H2O and Croxfordium's blogs on one of my all time favourite games, I decided to show you how I fare in it:

I did not want to just post my scores, I wanted to break them for you. So I spent an hour or three playing Minesweeper, until all three records were broken. As you can see... I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. haha.

I began playing minesweeper in Year 9. I tired of playing solitaire, which I had become quite good at. (Record is about 52 seconds. But that was one card dealing. I have since moved on from my naive ways). During the midyear exam period, I discovered that this game of numbers and clicking that I had so often seen, tried once, failed and been scared of... was actually quite addictive. And so I played and played and played. There were other things that you would assume would take up my time, but there was always time for Minesweeper. I even had people at school challenge me to races, where we'd start at the same time. I never lost, except on beginner which is a chance sort of thing.

Now, I am proud of my friends who have begun playing Minesweeper. They, too, know the satisfaction of seeing that little yellow face don his sunglasses and flash you a smile. If you are not yet intrigued and/or converted to giving it a go, here's six reasons why you should:

1. Seriously. The little yellow guy. He makes the best faces.
2. It makes you think fast... really fast.
3. Increases your reflexes and agility... in one hand.
4. Boasting factor. I am not ashamed.
5. Distraction factor.
6. Finally, the last reason comes from the old adage "Wounds heal, chicks dig scars..." especially ones sustained while playing Minesweeper. Am I right girls? Right.

And the last part of that quote? "Glory... lasts forever." Except when that glory is a Minesweeper high score, because then it lasts until somebody comes along to beat it. That person will be me.

Transparency

I ran into someone I haven't seen for a very long time at church last night. He and I played basketball together years ago. Anyway, we got to talking, and at some point I said something like, "Wow. I had no idea you went to church." He had been doing it his whole life. He said, "Mate, do I go to church? ha." In like a "Yes I go to church" manner.

Anyway, several hours later as I sit here, a thought has just punched me in the face. He is, as I am, glad to be part of a church and faith community, and to be a Christian. When we were talking, after I knew that, he seemed very much involved in exploring his faith. So why was it I absolutely NEVER spotted it at basketball? Was it because I was younger? I could still see who was a Christian sometimes when I was young.

This led to me wondering this: "How obvious or transparent am I to people that I believe in God, and want to actively serve God and others?" Sometimes I get, "There is no way you're a Christian! Wow I had no idea you guys were like that." This not intended as an insult, it's just that I, as with so many other Christians, don't really fit the stereotype. That said, I think that might be also because I make mistakes, say silly things, do silly things, and these can also reflect onto the image I project.

On the other hand, I love talking to people, listening to them, doing things for them. Is that enough? I don't think that with everything I do, I have to go, "Oh by the way, I'm doing this because I believe in God." Sometimes, I do it because I want others to be happy, and God doesn't directly factor in, although I believe he/He gave me the ability to be able to do what I do.

I hope I 'wear my heart on my sleeve'. I hope people know why I am and who I am, if only partially, at least the major bits. And if not, then I hope I can continue to tell them, like I tell so many other people. Most are probably sick of me talking now.

Ramble

Have you ever noticed that if you wrote I'mpossibly, because you misspelt I'm possibly, it becomes like impossibly? That's umpossibly confusing and would ruin your sentence.

Also, how come the word is unstable, but then when it is a noun, it becomes instability? What happened to unstability? Or instable? Ridonkulous.

Why do predominant and dominant mean the same thing? It's a waste of the pre-prefix. There are starving linguists out there who live on less than three letters a day. People should show some consideration. So from now on, I'm not going to use predominant. Except for then. Well mostly. Predominantly even.

Imagine if a hot chocolate wasn't a drink, but when you ordered it, it came back as just a melted block of chocolate?

People should use 'bombastic' more often. Bombastic. Is a splendiferous word. Meaning? "Ostentatiously lofty in style". That's so awesome. Better than if I said, "Look at that chap over there. The one with the hair. He is definately ostentatiously lofty in his style. I envy him and his pants."

Passages

These here are some passages I made the effort to find when I was on Beach Mission over the summer. We were asked to say our favourite Bible passages, but to be honest... I have none. So I went to try and find things that I really connected with.

Galations 1:10: Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Well. This is one of my struggles. Although I'm usually in disagreement with people and willing to argue and share points of view, I also am careful not to step on people's toes and not offend people. However, if there are problems at church or outside, sometimes I won't voice them, even if I really believe that's what God would want, because I fear the consequences of my voice and the feelings of the people I confront. Courage is what I need to use. I've known this is a factor of my personality for a while, and have been more concious when I am faced with these positions. Last night at training for an event, some of the leaders were making an absolute mockery of serious issues like kidnapping, murder and rape. This time I didn't sit back and let it happen, and I said something. And it went well I think. I believe that may have been the right thing to do.

Romans 1:16 - I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.

For much of my life, I was afraid to admit I was a Christian, and would NEVER, under any circumstance outside church, talk about it. Slowly over the years, I've changed as a person, because now I'm happy to openly talk about what I believe, and to share in others' beliefs too. I had a dark part of my life in which I did bad things, and also didn't really want people to know what I believed (because I didn't know if I wanted to believe it either), and I know it is not right for me to hide myself like that. So now, more than before, I am not ashamed.

1 Timothy 4:12 - Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

Like the first passage, I am sometimes not willing to challenge people, especially those older than me and more 'experienced' Christians. Well, this passage is encouragement to not back down from doing just that, if it is warranted, as well as a reminder that though I am young, it does not mean I cannot be an example for all those around me.

Ephesians 4:1 (thank you Digger) - As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you received.

I am blessed, lucky, fortunate to be where I am with all I have. I would feel as if I had wasted my life if I did not try to share these with those living without. That includes every part of me - possessions, money, talents, life, beliefs. I believe I have these things for a reason.

Matthew 7:7-8 - Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

I think a reason why I sometimes fade in and out of inspiration, faithwise as well, is because I am not always trying to explore and question and struggle with ideas. It's much easier to sit back and accept. But nowhere near as fulfilling. So if I truely want to believe, I have to make the effort to search myself and to try to understand as best I can. I can't expect to have things come to me or have greater understanding or belief in God come just from waiting for it to happen.

And these are just some of the parts of the Bible - with many more I am yet to read - that I feel connected with.

Motivation

Contrary to what you might think I'm writing about, this has nothing to do with exams or study.
I'm writing about inspiration, and how awesome it is when it gets you and you get all excited and energised about doing something, and then how irritating it is that that fades away. Ironically, this post was inspired by someone else: Kyla's blog.

I am a person who is quite, not very, but quite easy to inspire. I find it easy to grab hold of ideas and run with them. Therefore, I have had quite a few moments when I have been filled with energy to do things, specifically acts on social justice or faith involvement.

For a few days/weeks, I generally motor along at high speed, doing lots and being excited and having all these ideas and thoughts in my head. However, I always slow down and go back into cruise mode (although sometimes it is at a higher level of cruise than before), and this is what irritates me - I want to be excited ALL THE TIME!

This motivation, and then stalling of it, sometimes leaves me in a situation where I'm so far involved in something or, in my case, have started something, that I feel in too deep to back out of. I am often told this is never the case, that I cannot back out, but I also find it hard to let go of things when they are my ideas/work, etc. This is not to say I don't want to be part of it anymore, but it means I am part of it, and then get stressed I am not feeling as part of it. Possibly contributes to my burnouts.

I think that there is all this energy inside me already, but it sometimes needs something to come along and spark it, or reignite it, so it gets moving again. I wish I could just do it at will. Motivation can get you lots of places, even if you are lacking in talent or skill.

So now I sit, while in the middle of exams, organisation for the Zero Seven roadtrip, organisation for Africa Aid, running of Garage, Social Justice team at Church, numerous other projects... and wait for something to reignite me. Hopefully soon.

Trust

I cannot stop watching this video. I also cannot stop giggling like a school girl. Enjoy.

Swear

My second 40-day challenge of the year finished last month, but I haven't started a new one yet. So as of tomorrow morning - Tuesday 5 June - K and I are starting this one: No swearing.

Now, I'm not sure how much I swear, and I don't think it's anywhere near as much as some people. But I just don't really want to, because it is so pointless, and honestly, the context in which most swear words are used is so unnecessary and useless anyway. So I am going to eliminate it. Hopefully for good. But the challenge itself ends on Saturday 7 July.

Now by swear words, I am going to go so far as to eliminate even the ones considered generally not that swear-like. Like 'crap' or 'hell' or 'poobumwee'. So it will be a little harder than first expected.

I am compiling a list of punishments that K and I must do if we swear. Here are some, and I want you to give me more.

• No tea for a week (Now you must know... I love tea. And drink about two cups a day.)
• No internet for two days
• No msn for two days
• Donate $30 to Africa Aid
• No tv for two days
• No music for two days

So yes, they are rather lame at the moment. Come up with more punishments. They can be serious or silly, I would like a mix of both. Hoorah! Good work.