Sunday, October 28, 2007

A Year From Now...

Bond that flickers, dulls and wanes,
Mind's tongue speaks fire, refrain refrain,
Do they know? They hide it well,
Would kill my heart, my thoughts to tell,

Circles are strong and last forever,
A rhyme written with such endeavour,
To prove what bond and circle share,
But is this lies? Beware, beware,

What once was used to forge my week,
Now leaves me empty, with much to seek,
Those gone are ones I wish to keep,
Fire's shallow, when once what burned was deep,

It's strange, how same yet far we act,
Words spoke and crafted with such tact,
Yet barely veiled when time's escape,
Those words long gone, no longer shaped,

Fire's out, the end, the end?
Is there substance with which to mend?
Or is there even need to heal,
Is it valid that I feel?

The worst is I might be you,
Though I think not, chance says it's true,
This ties my tongue and burns my mind,
Just let it be, my thoughts unwind,

But how to let such fire go,
To vanish, clean and bare like snow,
I wish to change, to fix, renew,
Though fire's weak, the spark's still true,

Days gone by I wish were here,
But so much changes in a year,
Where will we be a year from now?
The mend, I hope, time will allow.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Study? Pfft. I am sick of learning about the Weimar Republic and the non-musical Franz Ferdinand. No offense to any mad Weimar Republic fans out there, all power to you. It's just not my thing.

In pursuit of more heart-killing foods and procrastination, I googled (Yes, that is now a verb. Says I, Benjamin "Miriam Webster" Chong.) [Wow, I'm pretty sure that was the first time I've ever put my name on this blog. Not that it was hard to find out anyway, since almost everybody that reads this knows me, or has somehow tracked me down.] {Extra brackets. Now back to the story...} World's Fattest Burger on a whim. This is what I got back.

Now. I'm aware I'm about three years late in terms of the news, but whatever, I was too busy tagging school desks back then to worry about a burger that could eclipse the sun. The Hardee's "Monster Thickburger" is "two 1/3-pound slabs of Angus beef, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun" — and it sells alone for $US 5.49, $US 7.09 with fries and a soda. How many calories you ask? ...1,420. I'm almost 95% sure that the gas released from all people that eat this thing is the real cause of global warming. The only thing that's missing from this is the "sweet kiss of chocolate syrup".

To the real issue at hand... somebody please do my exams for me? I'll buy you one of those burgers, and cover it in chocolate myself.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

What Your MSN Status Really Means

Online: I'm online, but I'm not talking to you because I'm sitting here admiring how big my list of contacts is. Either that, or we have some sort of history and it would be even more awkward to talk to you. Also, you might have been from that stage in Year 8 when you decided it was cool to just add eveybody's email, and ask people to give you other people's emails. I'm glad nobody is talking to me, because I hate the little flashing thing on my Start Menu, and it would get in the way of me admiring my list. I'm so popular, don't distract me. Kindly get lost.

Busy: I'm on MSN a bit, but even if I am, I'm too important to talk to you. Kindly get lost.

Be right back: I'm not at the computer - probably doing a poo - or I'm busy stalking people on MySpace. I'll probably be longer than 'right back' but this sounds cooler than Away. Either way, you've still got no chance of talking to me. Kindly get lost.

Away: I'm either dead, watching a movie, or that poo has taken a little longer than I thought it would. I might also just not want to talk to you, but didn't want to offend you by putting Busy. In any case, don't talk to me, as Away clearly has a silent "Stay" in front of it. Kindly get lost.

In a call: Hey everybody! Come see how important I am! I have a call! Also, instead of signing off MSN, I'm going to hurry through the call so I can come back and change my status back to Busy. Kindly get lost.

Out to lunch: It's actually probably dinner time right now, but even if it was lunch, I just want you to know that I'm stuffing my face. I probably have a bit of sauce in my hair and stains on my shirt. Doesn't matter, because at least I'm not here, not talking to you. Kindly get lost.

Appear offline: I'm hiding because I would rather take a blender to the face than talk to you. If you talk to me while I'm offline... you must be some sort of stalker. Kindly get lost.

... I'm so lonely...Please don't block me. Ha!

PS. So much for the hiatus.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Freaked. Out.

I know that I announced a hiatus just yesterday, but I have something to write about. I partly decided to have a blog break for a while, because the inspiration to write anything hadn't been there, so I thought I'd see what would happen after a while. In the 24 hours since, I have had many ideas. Ridiculous? I probably scared my blog brain into action lest it be shot, or scrambled by the rotating lady.

So a lot of the stuff I write on this blog is all a big joke. Whether it's funny is another issue, but generally, M.E. (My Everest for those of you struggling) is about 80% stuff that amuses me, 10% stuff I've actually thought about or believe, 10% mountain. However, I assure you that what you are about to read is a serious matter, and I am definitely not laughing about it. So it begins...

Yesterday, feeling the call of nature, I visited my usual toilet in the underbellies of the uni. Don't get me wrong. I don't have a thing for underground toilets, or a rare condition in which I can only go to the toilet when I know there are at least ten storeys of classrooms and hundreds of students above me. It's just the toilet closest to where I usually am, which is the 'Batcave', which I will write about eventually.

So I go into a cubicle - specifically, fourth from the left - as today's agenda requests it. I drop the pants, sit down, and am just about to begin when... A FREAKIN HEAD POPS UNDER THE CUBICLE WALL. Yes. I do not kid. A head pops under. I noticed it a split-second after it happened, and only saw it retreating. I did not see the eyes, and I'm glad I didn't.

I sit. Absolutely freaked out. The shock means I no longer feel the urge to go to the toilet, but to run away as fast as I can and have a shower, possibly in another country... as surprisingly, I feel dirty. I take my bag off the hook on the door, slowly undo the lock on the door, flush the toilet and flee - yes...flee - the most disturbing experience of my life. What made it even worse was as soon as I flushed, the cubicle of the perverted head also flushed (even though I'm fairly certain they had only been in there about twenty seconds - most of which were used to be disturbingly freaky). I saw the door of the cubicle open just as I was leaving the toilet, and I didn't bother staying to see who it was.

I eventually found some other toilet in the uni, and though a little hesitant, decided to finish my previously interrupted business. As I sit there, being very careful to watch the space under the cubicle walls, I think about all the factors and variables. Why would they do it? How did they even get there? There's not that much space in the cubicle to get on the floor. Plus... it's dirty. What did they want? There was a lot of homosexual writing/graffiti in the cubicles: eg. "For fun times and naughty hookups, call Dan on ########## ;)"... perhaps they were expecting someone? If so... I'm never going to that cubicle again.

Then I thought of what I'd do if I found the person behind the head. If I was in that cubicle again, I'd probably stomp their stupid dirty face. A little violent? Yes. But I am outraged. My generally pleasant public toilet experience has now been soured by somebody who'd be better off in a toilet with George Michael.

This is the end of my rant. Hopefully now that this is out there, I can begin rebuilding my relationship with the university toilets, because I'd hate to have to walk an extra five minutes to the next ones, just to avoid the painful memories of this twisted encounter.

Monday, October 15, 2007


Well I am being very busy at the moment, and so, probably will have this blog on hiatus until November 2nd, which is when I will have finished all exams.

Currently, there are more things to think about than my first time ordering at Subway. What type of bread would you like? What type of topping would you like? What type of cheese would you like? We have cow, goat, llama and tortoise milk. Tortoise you say? Will that be the Burmese Star or the Galapagos? What salads will you have? Would you like that lettuce farmed by blind Nepalese monks on top of a mountain during a solar eclipse or lettuce from the greenhouse of Colonel Mustard before his unfortunate incident with the candlestick in the Observatory? How would you like to pay for that? You can pay in cash, credit, Eftpos, cheque, giant over-sized novelty cheque, or in buttons. How would you like to be farewelled? You can choose "Goodbye!", "Have a nice day!", "See you later!" or the random animal noise of the day. I'm sorry, your decision time is up, you have taken too long. Please return your sandwich and head to the back of the line. Quack.

In the meantime, here is something for you to do. I managed after a while to get myself to see it going both ways, and it's completely ridiculous. My brain actually fell out of my nose when I did it. Is it fake? I don't know. But once you can master it and do it at will... you can use the force.

Interesting note... never have I ever: seen a Star Wars movie. Or a Star Trek movie. Or Star Gate.

Monday, October 08, 2007


Have any of you noticed how ridiculous some of the sites that appear on my GoogleAds are? If you don't know what that is, it's on the sidebar, right at the bottom. On the day I am writing this, it is linking to a site called "The Coming World War", that apparently predicts, on advice from Nostradamus, the third world war between 2008 - 2012.

The other day it was about the next and final Pope, who will apparently be an imposter of Pope John Paul II, and will be a physical form of Satan... Right.

The ads are supposed to represent similar topics to the stuff I actually write about. So... um... maybe I'm subliminally writing about the apocalypse and the doom of the world and all things dark and evil. Maybe I need all those candles being made from the chocolate-bacon person.

When someone clicks the ad, it gives me a few cents, that eventually add up to lots of cents. So if you feel so inclined, click it. Sometimes I click it out of sheer amusement at what it tells me - like that it likes the jumper I'm wearing and how my hair is today, but not as much as it liked it last week when it was all windswept, and that it has my daughter, and to leave a brown paper bag with the money in the post box outside my house.

In fact, pretty much the only problem I have with what the ads offer me is that there is no cheap Viagra. Guess I'll have to rely on my emails for those.

Just to see what sort of ad comes up, here are some random words:
Mongolia. Cupcake. Doodle. Blankets. Serial Drama. Mel Gibson. Bacon. I Love Chicken. I Love Liver. Meowmix. Meowmix. Please. Deliver.