Escape

Have you ever felt really happy and strangely sad, at the same time? Well. That's how I feel. I've never felt it before.

I feel so full of ideas and passion and challenges from Surrender, but I'm not ready to blog on them yet, because like Zero Seven, I am still processing the thoughts in my head. They could fill a million libraries. I used this analogy to explain it to Emmalee: The thoughts in my head are like all the sea creatures in the world. They require oceans and seas and rivers and lakes and tributaries to swim in, but instead, have my little mindspace - which is pretty much the kiddy pool at the local swimming place.

I'm also frustrated at some things - about me, other people, and things - and to make it worse, I don't know what it is about a lot of them or why I'm frustrated at some of them. Added to that, there is just annoyance and sad stuff in my head that I don't understand and cannot articulate.

This week I need some sort of escape. I want to think and talk and blog about Surrender, because it was awesome and really challenging. I want to finish my Zero Seven blog. I want to do lots of things, but I think I need more time. For myself.

I might not update much this week, but then again, I might write lots. I write things that hopefully others enjoy occasionally. Sometimes I blog for myself, just so that the thoughts in my head are taken out and put somewhere else. So we'll see. At the moment, I feel like I could cry, have a burnout, be really excited, do awesome things, be really loud, be really quiet, and explode. All at once.

So now I will go and escape somewhere. Sometimes I feel like being alone, but having other people there. If that makes any sense. Sometimes I want to be in complete isolation. We shall see how I make my escape.