Monday, June 25, 2007


There's been a terrible lot of my mind lately. Over the last few months, especially at church, I've found it so easy to get frustrated at people. I've been angry at people for little to big things they've done, said, or even not done or said. I've also been angry at myself, because I am a hypocrite, and also do bad things, or not do things that need to be done.

I don't know how I would do this in a public setting, so this is where I'll start. I want to declare my imperfection, and confess that I am flawed. As a Christian, people sometimes judge us as thinking we are 'better' or 'higher' - indeed, some Christians I have met actually think this way. In no way are we 'better' or 'perfect'. We believe in something that is sometimes misunderstood as representing us as perfect people. We are not. I am not. I am a person seeking to be good as I can be, to live as good a life as I can, and to be as good to others as I can... and I KNOW that I fail many many times. This doesn't mean I'll give up any time soon.

To most of you reading, there will have been struggles I've had with you, that were either irrational, dealt with wrongly, or just not even said to you. I'm sorry for these. I am quick to judge, quick to think negatively, while masking over that I, too, make mistakes. I believe in forgiveness, and I am still working on forgiving some things, as well as myself for some things.

After reading Jono's blog a few posts ago, about relationships and the need for people to speak their feelings, I left feeling rather annoyed. I looked at the blog, the comments, my own, and realised - so many people are prepared to talk and give advice and say all these things they would do if they were in the situation, to state their beliefs - but it's so much easier to not act on it when you are truly faced with it. I found it so easy to judge people for what they'd said/written, because there had been instances I thought they hadn't done what they'd written. So once again, I have been to quick to judge, when I really struggle as well to follow my own advice. I often find myself talking to people, giving advice, speaking my mind, and then soon after, when faced with a similar situation, doing something completely opposite to what I had said. But the reality is, as I'm realising, is that what we believe in is intrinsically good. It's just a difficult battle to make that reality. This is the battle faced by all people who aim to lead a good life, by a moral code of some sort, or a commitment to a belief.

Simon wrote today in his blog that in Romans 7:18-19 it says, "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing". And that about sums me up. I do a bit of good, but a lot of time time, I also do a bit, or a lot, of bad. I also see a lot of non-Christian people who I think are great examples to everyone of how to be a good person - to both Christians and non-Christians.

I want to not judge people so harshly, or so quickly, or even at all. I want to be able to see the plank in my eye before even thinking about the speck in another's. Too often I fall short of all the good I say or think I believe in. But I still have hope and faith that if I keep trying, good will outweigh bad. That's the best I can do. An imperfect sort of life, but as good an imperfect one as I can lead.


  1. Never feel like you have to be perfect. Quality comes form imperfection. The other day, while speaking to somebody, I came up with an analogy about perfection, to do with diamonds. I liked this analogy, so I will use it again.
    A diamond can be manufactured very easially in a factory, and used as tools and stuff, because it is so hard. But the diamonds you find in rings and stuff only have value because they are natural, and have flaws in them, i.e. cracks and stuff. A man-made diamond is not valuable at all. See, here, a diamond is worth almost nothing unless it is imperfect.
    Nevertheless, it is always good to keep trying to be better. But don't try to be perfect.
    Also, you said you have struggled with almost everybody reading. I will assume that I am included in this. For the future, you should definately tell me when you are struggling with me, as I would hate to think I could do something about it, but don't, because I don't know what it is I am doing that you don't like in the first place. If you feel like you're going to offend me by saying why you are annoyed at me for certian reasons: don't. I don't get offended easially.

  2. I don't feel like I have to be. When people say, "You're good at everything," I'm like PFFT! I just want to be good at being a person. ha. I will always try to be better. It's just part of me, that I'm never happy if I know it's not the best I can do. And I don't know the best I can do, which means... no concrete limits either.

    The analogy was awesome, I love it. You should blog it.

    I will tell you, thank you for giving me that. I usually require some thought about how to do it, because I can be very harsh, and I don't think I've ever been that way to you. That you don't get offended easily doesn't mean I won't offend you, and that's something I don't want to do. It's certainly never constructive either. But thank you, I'll talk to you about it.

  3. i , like jono, would also wish to be told when you are struggling with me, or even judging me, because then we can get to the bottom of why, possibly.
    also, i am fully aware that i am a hypocrit sometimes, i also assume in your blog i am one of the ones you are talking about and there have been occasions where i have said to you that i say one thing to help friends out, but do the other.
    i am constantly saying "its not good to bottle your feelings.. let it all out" yet i dont, and i always feel guilty for not practicing what i preach.
    however, you are right, all you can do is try and be a better person. a bigger person. because no one will ever be perfect, and i dont really think there is even a point trying.
    because i dont want to be perfect.
    i just want to be me.
    xx plj

  4. I will try to tell you. I know how highly you, and so many others, value honesty. However, if there ever was time when I had a major struggle with you, and there hasn't been, I would not want to offend you or hurt your feelings either.

    You just want to be you. Good. Now tell me, who is that?