Transparency

I ran into someone I haven't seen for a very long time at church last night. He and I played basketball together years ago. Anyway, we got to talking, and at some point I said something like, "Wow. I had no idea you went to church." He had been doing it his whole life. He said, "Mate, do I go to church? ha." In like a "Yes I go to church" manner.

Anyway, several hours later as I sit here, a thought has just punched me in the face. He is, as I am, glad to be part of a church and faith community, and to be a Christian. When we were talking, after I knew that, he seemed very much involved in exploring his faith. So why was it I absolutely NEVER spotted it at basketball? Was it because I was younger? I could still see who was a Christian sometimes when I was young.

This led to me wondering this: "How obvious or transparent am I to people that I believe in God, and want to actively serve God and others?" Sometimes I get, "There is no way you're a Christian! Wow I had no idea you guys were like that." This not intended as an insult, it's just that I, as with so many other Christians, don't really fit the stereotype. That said, I think that might be also because I make mistakes, say silly things, do silly things, and these can also reflect onto the image I project.

On the other hand, I love talking to people, listening to them, doing things for them. Is that enough? I don't think that with everything I do, I have to go, "Oh by the way, I'm doing this because I believe in God." Sometimes, I do it because I want others to be happy, and God doesn't directly factor in, although I believe he/He gave me the ability to be able to do what I do.

I hope I 'wear my heart on my sleeve'. I hope people know why I am and who I am, if only partially, at least the major bits. And if not, then I hope I can continue to tell them, like I tell so many other people. Most are probably sick of me talking now.

Ramble

Have you ever noticed that if you wrote I'mpossibly, because you misspelt I'm possibly, it becomes like impossibly? That's umpossibly confusing and would ruin your sentence.

Also, how come the word is unstable, but then when it is a noun, it becomes instability? What happened to unstability? Or instable? Ridonkulous.

Why do predominant and dominant mean the same thing? It's a waste of the pre-prefix. There are starving linguists out there who live on less than three letters a day. People should show some consideration. So from now on, I'm not going to use predominant. Except for then. Well mostly. Predominantly even.

Imagine if a hot chocolate wasn't a drink, but when you ordered it, it came back as just a melted block of chocolate?

People should use 'bombastic' more often. Bombastic. Is a splendiferous word. Meaning? "Ostentatiously lofty in style". That's so awesome. Better than if I said, "Look at that chap over there. The one with the hair. He is definately ostentatiously lofty in his style. I envy him and his pants."

Passages

These here are some passages I made the effort to find when I was on Beach Mission over the summer. We were asked to say our favourite Bible passages, but to be honest... I have none. So I went to try and find things that I really connected with.

Galations 1:10: Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Well. This is one of my struggles. Although I'm usually in disagreement with people and willing to argue and share points of view, I also am careful not to step on people's toes and not offend people. However, if there are problems at church or outside, sometimes I won't voice them, even if I really believe that's what God would want, because I fear the consequences of my voice and the feelings of the people I confront. Courage is what I need to use. I've known this is a factor of my personality for a while, and have been more concious when I am faced with these positions. Last night at training for an event, some of the leaders were making an absolute mockery of serious issues like kidnapping, murder and rape. This time I didn't sit back and let it happen, and I said something. And it went well I think. I believe that may have been the right thing to do.

Romans 1:16 - I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.

For much of my life, I was afraid to admit I was a Christian, and would NEVER, under any circumstance outside church, talk about it. Slowly over the years, I've changed as a person, because now I'm happy to openly talk about what I believe, and to share in others' beliefs too. I had a dark part of my life in which I did bad things, and also didn't really want people to know what I believed (because I didn't know if I wanted to believe it either), and I know it is not right for me to hide myself like that. So now, more than before, I am not ashamed.

1 Timothy 4:12 - Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

Like the first passage, I am sometimes not willing to challenge people, especially those older than me and more 'experienced' Christians. Well, this passage is encouragement to not back down from doing just that, if it is warranted, as well as a reminder that though I am young, it does not mean I cannot be an example for all those around me.

Ephesians 4:1 (thank you Digger) - As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you received.

I am blessed, lucky, fortunate to be where I am with all I have. I would feel as if I had wasted my life if I did not try to share these with those living without. That includes every part of me - possessions, money, talents, life, beliefs. I believe I have these things for a reason.

Matthew 7:7-8 - Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

I think a reason why I sometimes fade in and out of inspiration, faithwise as well, is because I am not always trying to explore and question and struggle with ideas. It's much easier to sit back and accept. But nowhere near as fulfilling. So if I truely want to believe, I have to make the effort to search myself and to try to understand as best I can. I can't expect to have things come to me or have greater understanding or belief in God come just from waiting for it to happen.

And these are just some of the parts of the Bible - with many more I am yet to read - that I feel connected with.

Motivation

Contrary to what you might think I'm writing about, this has nothing to do with exams or study.
I'm writing about inspiration, and how awesome it is when it gets you and you get all excited and energised about doing something, and then how irritating it is that that fades away. Ironically, this post was inspired by someone else: Kyla's blog.

I am a person who is quite, not very, but quite easy to inspire. I find it easy to grab hold of ideas and run with them. Therefore, I have had quite a few moments when I have been filled with energy to do things, specifically acts on social justice or faith involvement.

For a few days/weeks, I generally motor along at high speed, doing lots and being excited and having all these ideas and thoughts in my head. However, I always slow down and go back into cruise mode (although sometimes it is at a higher level of cruise than before), and this is what irritates me - I want to be excited ALL THE TIME!

This motivation, and then stalling of it, sometimes leaves me in a situation where I'm so far involved in something or, in my case, have started something, that I feel in too deep to back out of. I am often told this is never the case, that I cannot back out, but I also find it hard to let go of things when they are my ideas/work, etc. This is not to say I don't want to be part of it anymore, but it means I am part of it, and then get stressed I am not feeling as part of it. Possibly contributes to my burnouts.

I think that there is all this energy inside me already, but it sometimes needs something to come along and spark it, or reignite it, so it gets moving again. I wish I could just do it at will. Motivation can get you lots of places, even if you are lacking in talent or skill.

So now I sit, while in the middle of exams, organisation for the Zero Seven roadtrip, organisation for Africa Aid, running of Garage, Social Justice team at Church, numerous other projects... and wait for something to reignite me. Hopefully soon.