This Way To Heart Disease...

I have two additions this week to my stalking of bacon ridiculousness. Although, strictly, one is not bacon. Then again, who knows what's inside? Bacon, children, mongeese (true plural?) , apricots, sasquatch? The answer, my friends, will never be known. Except, all of the above.

Number #1:
Sometimes I look at bacon and think: "Wow. This won't do. It doesn't serve as an alarm clock or a suit. What use to me are you?" Clearly, somebody else has too. So they decided to take two pounds of bacon (907 grams for the metrically inclined), season it, add another two pounds of sausage, put on another layer of bacon, some barbecue sauce, smoke, then add one last layer of barbecue sauce. Now this has been blogged one million times, has been in papers all over the place. So the only thing I'm going to add is this: On the website, when you look at the finished product... does it look like a cake made from poo to you too? Either that, or the blood and sweat cake from Matilda.

Bruce Bogtrotter's gonna love this. Don't understand that obscure reference? Well. Then you're going straight to the Chokey.

Number #2:
I'm actually really interested in this one. Since I've still got time before uni, I may just attempt it.

Potato + pig + garden hose + sasquatch.

I am well aware I've wasted my time writing this blog and that there are more meaningful things I could be writing. Stop shouting at me.

Pig in a Blanket

My goodness. Will the madness never end?

Note: I must admit... I laughed at the Why section.

It Continues...

Kyla is my newest hero. Why you ask? Well. She bought me these over the weekend:

Am I wearing one right now? Yes. Yes I am.

In case anybody doesn't understand the significance of these, read here, here and here.

If anyone was wondering... the free toy was a tiny little pig. Ironic?

Unstoppable

The juggernaut keeps on rolling...I didn't even look for this one. It just was a link on a page I was looking at today. The stuff's following me.

Bacon

I'm at home today, working on many an assignment. To cheer myself up, I did a bit more investigation on the strange phenomenon of people wanting bacon in things that really don't need it. Remember our bacon-chocolate bar? It turns out that was only the delicate chocolate layer on this growing pig-flavoured freakshow.

First off, we have this: Maple Bacon Morning coffee. From the creators: "Embark on a smooth sail each morning with this breakfast flavored coffee. The taste of sweet maple and smoky bacon blend perfectly to create a hearty start to your day." I don't think it's so much a hearty start to your day, as a heart-attacky start to your day. I've never put maple syrup on bacon. I certainly have never woken up and thought, "Damn. I haven't got time for the usual breakfast of maple syrup on bacon, but I need to feel like I'm getting just as much grease in my diet. What ever can I do?"

And, of course, why would you be needing such a big wake up in the morning? Because you got ridiculously smashed the night before on Bacon-Flavoured Vodka. That's right, you irresponsible alco you. I actually don't understand why people love bacon things so much.

The last site I put up also has its own archive of bacon flavoured things. Bacon cupcakes, bacon candy, bacon lollipops, bacon cigarette papers, bacon bubbles, bacon wrapped in bacon, bacon apple pie, bacon cookies, bacon hair conditioner, bacon breath mints (sure to attract the ladies), they even have a bacon suit - oh don't worry, it isn't made of bacon, it just looks and smells like it... which is so much better. It's like Bubba from Forrest Gump gave up on the shrimp business and moved into the obviously booming bacon industry.

You know when you say or write a word too many times, and it begins to feel like you're saying a word that doesn't exist? It's like you've reached the max quota of times you can use that word ever. Well bacon is definitely out of my vocabulary now. It doesn't even look recognisable as a word to me anymore.

So, what can we summarise from today's lesson? There are a lot of unhealthy bacon lovers out there... and I just wasted an hour of my time. I need a strong drink. Maybe some vodka, but it would need a little something extra...

Ramble #3

I think they decided to use small pieces for confetti because A4 bits of paper just floated around, and saving the effort of making the paper and cutting it by just throwing a tree had an effect - just not the one that they were looking for.

If you love geometry...
What do you call a baby triangle with an incline of less than 90 degrees?

Acute!

I just bit my cheek for the third time in two days, which brings me to a WYR:
Bite your cheek everyday or get a papercut everyday?

Also, for those of you interested in having a heart attack for $7 (US), this looks healthy. Excerpt from the creator: "Just a bite of the bacon was too salty and yearned for the sweet kiss of chocolate syrup." It's probably a safe bet to assume that if all the fat was mined from their arteries and turned into candles, there would never be darkness again.