It has been almost a week since last post! In the time in between, I had no less than five assignments due to uni. Incidentally I also died five times. Lucky I'd been collecting mushrooms with Mario beforehand, so I was in big mode, and didn't die. Just went to small mode. Whatever.
K and I also hit two years. To celebrate, I lit some candles and surprised K, then we sang and played piano and went out for dinner. Hooray! Here is a picture from the evening:
ANYWAY. What I really wanted to write about is another excerpt from Surrender. I went to a session called "No revolutions without anger (and shallowness)" run by Darryl Gardiner - the New Zealand YFC national director.
My reason for going to this session is that 1) I had heard Darryl Gardiner before at an SYG night and 2) because I'm a fairly angry kid, and was interested in seeing how I can use my anger positively for change.
What came out of the session was:
A quote from CS Lewis is "God doesn't make Christians nice... he makes them new." That is, as Christians, we do not have to be 'nice' or to tone down what we say or do just to avoid stepping on other's toes - Christian or not. Did Jesus? No. We should not be ashamed of what we believe and stand for, while still being open that others have the right to believe and stand for as they choose too.
At present, it seems that the inverse of that - that we are made to be 'nice' - is what is reality. Like we've become sanitized and clean and pretty and worried about floral arrangments at church. The opposite of nice doesn't mean we have to go out picking fights. But it means that we are honest, as honest as can be - and not hiding who we are or what we believe for the sake of what someone else thinks. Being 'new' requires that, it requires us to acknowledge we are not perfect, we are dirty, and not try to create an image to everyone and to ourselves that we are otherwise.
Jesus was angry and he made people angry. Darryl quoted one of Jesus' most sniping comments to the Pharisees, "You brood of vipers, sons of your father: the devil." Jesus said things that stung and were not 'nice', but they were honest. Of course, don't go calling other people sons of the devil. But what I got out of it was that I shouldn't be afraid to point out something I see is wrong, even if it's to people far more 'powerful' or 'higher up' than me in the church or elsewhere in society. Inversely, I should be prepared for anyone to come and point out things that I might need to work on too. As scripture says, I should see the plank in my own eye before commenting on the speck in another's.
I know I'm not perfect, that I'm a sinner and a fool. This is a quote that Darryl gave us, from John Newton, the writer of "Amazing Grace": "I am still a great sinner... and Christ is still a great saviour." We are not made 'clean' on our own. That's what I believe we have God for.
We talked about this in Small Group, about when to know it's ok to confront, and when not to, and when to curb what you say. It's something I like talking about.
The next day, I went to a workshop/forum where somebody was talking about how angry they are at the council/elders/higher in the hierarchy people at church, and one of the panel members - Mark Sayers - said this: "To blame your problems on 'them' or 'the elders' as a group is ignorant. It's like a form of prejudice like racism, because you've grouped them without getting to understand them."
It's definitely something I should be aware of, because I find it very easy to complain and whinge and be angry about things when I probably haven't worked out why I'm angry, or made an effort to tell the people who really need to know - ie the people involved - rather than the people I usually associate with, who share mostly the same sentiments anyway. It made me understand that if I'm truly to feel angry or upset or annoyed about something, I better be able to say I've made an effort to understand why whoever I'm angry at does what they do, what they think, and an effort to explain what I believe to them.
The result is that I am not so angry at the moment, and have not so much discontent, and have already started talking honestly and openly, and importantly - in an effort to understand - which has caused me far less frustration and more hope. This is a good thing. I'm definitely glad I went to that session. I need someone to come along every so often - whether stranger, foe, or friend - to slap me in the face and make me realise what I'm doing is wrong. So, come slap me some time. I might slap you back.
you might slap me back?
ReplyDeleteyou'd probably slap me first.
I like that you have come to this conclusion. Although honestly, after reading that, i too need to face up to the things that frustrate me, or upset me, and generally talk them through with people in hopes i do not get as frustrated.
I agree with the fact that some christians believe they are without sin, and therefor "better" than you. i have come across people, that just because they have found god, and i have not completely, i am looked down upon, and seen as not worthy.
i dont feel anyone has the right to feel belittled by anyone, no matter what their beliefs.
but i am glad you have come to this conclusion regarding your anger, and i wish you well, and perhaps you could help me with it.
... i REALLY feel like slapping you right now.
plj..
and everything in between
xx
One of the things that I constantly wrestle with within my own make up is my desire to avoid conflict- at all costs. This is a silly thing to do, but I find myself consistently finding things that I could raise with people, issues that may cause discomfort, but I avoid them. I wish I could snap out of it at times and just say what was on my mind, but I really feel like something is holding me back inside, a kind of learned behaviour. Of course, I’m not saying that all I want to be able to do is just tell people exactly what I think!!! It is more to find that balance between fighting the right battles that will help everyone involved grow a little bit more.
ReplyDeleteI will try and slap you whenever I feel the need, although, like Simon, I feel like I often avoid conflicts where they would actually be useful. It is one thing to have too many conflicts, and it is another to have too few. I need to work on facing up to problems. Yes. Make sure you give me a huge slap when you see me avoiding useful conflict or confrontation, too. We can have a slapping session together. I am practicing right now.
ReplyDeleteEmmalee: I kinda already knew. It's more like my eyes were opened, or more opened. Something like that. There are lots of people, both Christian and non, who think they are 'better' for some reason or another. Sometimes they need a slap. Sometimes, maybe we're the ones who need a slap for misunderstanding them. After all, when putting them in the negative group of people who think they're 'better'... have we put ourselves in the 'better' group?
ReplyDeleteplj.
Sime: To avoid conflict, but yet complain about things that others do is such a waste. It means they go on doing whatever, and do not know how you feel, and you do go on feeling unhappy. Of course, sometimes you might feel like they should just know that they are upsetting you. This is rarely the case. Balance is such a recurring word in so many discussions and thoughts I've had. It's so very important and still so very hard to find.
Jono: Make sure you don't just say you need to. You have acknowledged it, and know what you need to do. Just make sure you do it. I'll be there to slap you and keep you accountable, and hopefully you'll do the same for me.
BC: I hear you when you say it can be a waste to complain about things that are upsetting me but not doing anything about it. But it still doesn't change the fact that I really do struggle to confront people about issues that I may have with them. Sometimes I even make excuses by playing down the incident in my own mind, and relativising it. I'll say "It doesn't matter in the big scheme of things" in order to avoid conflict. Unfortunately, situations of conflict are often a space where people get the chance to grow together and learn more about themselves.
ReplyDeleteSime: I know it doesn't change the fact. Only you can do that. You might say "It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of thing", but a little conflict left unsettled can lead to something that will matter in the grand scheme of things. Once again... it's about finding that balance of when and when not to.
ReplyDeleteAgreed! Little things become very large very quickly and inconsequentional matters can cause enormous problems that should not have happened.
ReplyDeletePeace