PEN15

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to apply for the much-respected and sought after position of member of the PEN15 Club. I believe I am a very worthy applicant. I work hard, I am loyal to the death, and I am a good team player.

My past achievements include Captain of the "Highlighting Rude Words Like Vagina In The Dictionary And Then Leaving It Open In People's Tubs" Team* and a Pen License by the end of Grade 3**. I am brave and willing to go out on a limb, as demonstrated by my membership in the State "Shouting Out 'Penis' In Public Places" Team***.

I am also adept at inserting the words "poop", "fart", and "bum" into sentences. EG. (see above) My past poops include Captain of the "Farting Rude Words Like Vagina In The Bum And Then Pooping It Open In People's Anuses" Team and a Fart License by the end of Grade Doodle.

A long time passion of mine has been the art of using "Your Mum" as the basis of my whole humour. Clearly people that can do this are amongst the highest intellectual percentile in the country... nay, the world****.

Please consider my application. I think I have much to offer to your society.

Your (mum's) friend,

C. Mywilly

PS. What exactly would I do in this club? I'm not sure of the required actions, just of the club's prestige. But seriously. I'm in. I would get PEN15 tattooed on my forehead. That's how down I am. Please like me?

*... I actually used to do that. It was very amusing to see them freak out and try to hide it so nobody knew their dirty secret.

** Untrue. I stole my Pen License and forged my incompetent teacher's signature. She did not know.

*** I never played this. Just shouted out other words to try and fit in. But some Year 10s were playing it on my bus today and hence, this blog.

**** Being aware that sarcasm is the supposed lowest form of wit. I'm fairly sure "Your Mum" is lower... "Your mum's the lowest form of wit."